Have you ever wanted a Vikings themed party bus? Well then this is your lucky weekend, as some random bro on Craigslist is looking to sell his purple short bus in a moving sale. 

Think of how cool you'd look driving up to the new stadium in what is being marketed as a "Vikings Short Bus" - YES, a short bus! - that is a refurbished 1993 Bluebird. It only has 100,000 miles on it, but DOES come equipped with a keg-a-rator built in. SWEET! All of this for only $7,950.00 or best offer. 

But that's not all!

If that headline doesn't work for the internet, then nothing will.

What you see above is a picture from a video from Vikings players proving that the Harlem Shake phenomenon isn't QUIET dead yet. Unfortunately. It also proves that Harlem Shake videos are only enjoyable when they are shorter in length, and when they involve shirtless NFL players doing them. I also can't embed the video directly for you here because WHAT THE HELL HTML AND YFROG!! But go watch it anyway.

Frankly, the only way this could have been any better is if former Vikings and locker room hero Visanthe Shiancoe showed up for a cameo spinning everything like a helicopter. 

OK people, I'm not going to lie. This post is total corporate shill, but it's for a good cause. Namely, you may get free stuff out of it! And it's weird from my perspective, so we're totally rolling with it.

Word around the burning Metrodome campfire is that Vikings quarterback Christian Ponder will be attending a grand re-opening of a Champs Sports location at the Mall of America this Thursday night, at 6PM. This Champs will also include a Nike Yardline area. He'll be around for an hour signing all sorts of stuff (presumably the new, sexy Vikings jersey!) and doing more Nike stuff. How knows? Maybe Samantha Ponder will even show up! That would be like an added bonus.

But that's not all. Purple Jesus Diaries may also be able to secure one of these signed items so that we can turn it around and give it to one of our lucky, poor, weirdly dedicated readers. COOL!

Look at this god damn thing. It's a work of art. The deep purple, the kingly gold, the horizontal stripes. It's like whatever grandmother knitted this reached deep into my wet dreams and retrieved this from the ether to display it so finely on a weird ass mannequin. Not that I'm complaining. While I'd love to wear it, I will also gladly ogle it like a picture of Jennifer Lawrence in a bikini, because dat ass.

Or, in other words, dat sweater.

The post-draft sex glow is all about us as we move into the doldrums of the NFL off-season, but there's still much to talk about with the Vikings 2013 NFL Draft picks. In Purple Jesus Diaries' NFL Draft-or-Bust Off, we review each pick in turn and provide some further amateur insight for you. Previously we looked at Sharrif Floyd, Xavier Rhodes, Cordarrelle Patterson, and Gerald Hodges, and today, we continue with the Vikings fifth round pick, Punter out of UCLA, Jeff Locke ...

Who?

JEFF LOCKE IS THAT SON OF A BITCH THAT MADE CHRIS KLUWE SIGN WITH THE RAIDERS!

OK, not really. That's Rick Spielman's fault. Jeff Locke is just a punter from UCLA, a basketball school. Of course, everyone's favorite punter Chris Kluwe also came from UCLA, so maybe that means he has good pedigree. Usually, this is the area where I also give you information about a player's measurables. You know, how tall a receiver is, how much weight a linebacker put up, how short Sharrif Floyd's arms are ... That sort of thing. But I'm not sure what measurements they use at the combine that give us any insight into punters. Are tall punters better? Does it matter how fast they are? What if they can't jump? I don't know either. Locke kicks footballs, so let's just assume he's decent at that.

I guess he punts left footed. So that's something.

I could also name this post "Minnesota is the only state that understands how evil Wisconsin is" but that title would end in a preposition and was probably too long, so I skipped that title.

Instead, look at that stupid map? Look at how stupid the rest of the country is? Every other football fan or even glory hole Packer lover around the nation seems to think the Packers and Aaron Rodgers are going to win another Super Bowl. Maybe that doesn't sound SUPER far fetched, right? Like, hey, Rodgers is one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL so why shouldn't he lead the Packers to another Super Bowl during his prime of the next five years? He's already got one. And the NFL is a quarterback friendly league, so the NFL is obviously trying to set him up for success. Cheating to do so, even.

That all sounds great, until you remember that the Packers defense is AWFUL and they let Christian Ponder throw for over 200 yards against them. Brilliant footballing there, doofuses.

Welcome to Purple Jesus Diaries' Point/Counterpoint, where we interview two experts on a hotly contested topic of interest for Minnesota Vikings fans. This week, we're tackling the news of former Eagles, Redskins, and Vikings quarterback Donovan McNabb retiring. We asked an Eagles fan and a Vikings fan to make a case in support of their own team as to why McNabb should wear their colors upon retirement ...

POINT: Eagles Fan

DONOVAN MCNABB SHOULD OOOBVIOUSLY RETIRE AS AN EAGLE BECAUSE HE PLAYED THE BEST YEARS OF HIS LIFE WEARING THE GREEN AND BLACK. THINK ABOUT THIS ... FROM 2000 TO 2004, MCNABB LED THE EAGLES TO FIVE STRAIGHT PLAYOFF APPEARANCES. HE WAS IN HIS SECOND YEAR WHEN THE STREAK STARTED AND WAS A WILY OLD VETERAN OF SIX YEARS BY THE TIME THE EAGLES OBLITERATED ALMOST THE ENTIRE LEAGUE BEFORE LOSING TO THOSE CHEATING PATRIOTS IN THE SUPER BOWL OF THE 2004 SEASON. OF COURSE A PLAYER OF THAT CALIBER SHOULD ONLY EVER BE RECOGNIZED AS A PHILADELPHIA EAGLE, RIGHT WHERE HE BELONGS. HEY, THEY SAY HE USE TO CHOKE AND COULDN'T WIN THE BIG GAME, BUT DID YOU EVER LOOK AT THE TALENT HE HAD TO WORK WITH AROUND HIM? TAKE AWAY BRIAN WESTBROOK AND YOU WERE LEFT WITH FREDDIE "FRED-EX" MITCHELL AND GREG LEWIS. YOU CAN'T WIN ANY GAMES WITH THOSE MORONS! MCNABB WAS, IS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE AN EAGLE AND IT'S A GOD DAMN HONOR TO HAVE HIM RETIRE AS ONE.

Despite several aggressive and haunting beatings provided by Vikings fans to the contrary, those god damn rumors about former Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher joining the Minnesota Vikings just won't die. Fans have tried breaking the rumors' nose, shattering several ribs, burning their house down, and threatening legal action, all to no avail. Somehow, these rumors keep coming back, and sometimes even stronger.

Which raises the question; will Vikings fans have to plan an assassination attempt on these Brian Urlacher to the Vikings rumors before they go away? We investigate.