Antoine Winfield Can Tackle My Heart

Paul Allen, radio host on KFAN and the voice of the Vikings, has opined for several years on a variety of players in the Vikings organization. Despite his best efforts to sound unbiased on radio and to try to not look full of formaldehyde while on TV, even the most casual of listeners know where “PA’s” heart lies when it comes to certain players …

The rubiest rube who's ever rubed, PDizzle, immortality.

The rubiest rube who's ever rubed, PDizzle, immortality.

“Fair listeners of KFAN austerity! This is PA without a PDizzle here to wax, poetics, about our faaavorite corner back in the league, one Sir Antoine Winfield! Many have heard that he is currently in intense contract negotiations with YOUR! Minnesota Vikings football squad. This, our dear listener, is great news for Vikings fans worldwide. Even a half witted rube like Mike Morris can tell simply by watching the fantastic play of Winfield that he deserves every penny that he will earn during his remaining years as a Vikings.

After finally receiving a trip to his first ever Pro Bowl last year and the ripe young age of 31, Antoine is still playing at a high level. Every time he lines up opposite a young buck of a receiver, like the daunting Megatron Calvin Johnson, or the fleet of foot pass catching Devin Hester, fans collectively hold their breath for ‘Toine ‘Toine to lay some hard wood. He tackles with the best of them, harder than any other player in the game today, and his scrappy little spirit should remain an inspiration to all his teammates. But even more than this, our valued fan base, Sir Winfield remains an impressive person wherever one might meet him.

And it is for this reason that I, Ducky Minus Bunny, give him my ringing endorsement to tackle my heart for years to come.

Tackling hearts

Tackling hearts

Yes our radio wave audience, you heard me correctly. Without Winfield locking down receivers on the outside and tackling scat backs out of the backfield, our vaunted Vikings defense would fall to the lowly depths and rank that is currently held by the Motor City Kitties. He is just that good of a football player. The Vikings need to assure that Winfield retires in the Purple and Gold. There are no other options besides him tackling my heart on Sundays in the Metrodome.

Do whatever it takes to get it done, Vikings brass. Give him whatever he wants, and watch him light up offenses league wide. Watch as he sweeps the legs out from under Greg Jennings, Packer elite and fan loved. Stare in amazement as he welcomes, Mr. Cutler to the Metrodome turf this season. Gaze as he gently but firmly tackles my heart into Paul Allen immortality!

Yes, my fellow rubes, Winfield is a basic necessity for the Vikings and their Miami Mission in 2010. Yet even if the Vikings are not able to sign him long term, know that he has always been able to intercept my feelings, deflect my worries, and tackle my heart as a player, a Viking, and a human being.

P Dizzle, out rubes.”

Antoine's best Purple Jesus impression

Antoine's best Purple Jesus impression

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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