Marjorie Johnson is a bit of celebrity around these parts, as if you didn’t know. Such a celebrity that you can excuse her if she doesn’t know who this “Purple Jesus” is. I mean, right, like the lady who coined the term “Blue Ribbon Baker” is just going to go out of her way to recognize the most famous athlete around these parts since Kevin Garnett. Come on!
But she did take time out of her busy day of baking delicious snacks in her gingerbread home to come visit with Purple Jesus recently, courtesy of Channel 5’s Twin Cities Live. They have a video – which you can visit here – that I would love to just post on this site, but WordPress can go choke on a cock twice for being so picky about their embedded video sources. This is me angrily shaking my fist at you! *shakingshakingshaking!!!1!1!*
The video itself is well worth the watch though. After you check it out and watch with mouth agape for approximately six and a half minutes (and yes, you will watch the whole thing, it’s comic gold!) come back here and check out our favorite parts of the video. Feel free to add yours in the comments!
Also, silent head nod to gimpshot for sharing this with us. You are like a fine Pinot Noir, sir.
Favorite things of this video include:
- Crazy Marj wanting to start the interview as soon as PJ sits down, and PJ trying to be respectful and listen to her while simultaneous getting his mic on. You can almost pin point the moment where he looks inward and thinks to himself “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
- The moment right away when PJ puts his nose into Marjorie’s ginger snaps. I wonder what they smell like? Moth balls?
- I also love that she is wearing a jersey of his that looks like a wedding dress on her, draped for miles behind. They couldn’t find a child’s jersey at least? I have several in my closet, by they may have some blood stains on them still.
- I may have never been as uncomfortable as when I sat and watched Purple Jesus adjust his microphone with Marjorie right in his face. Christ you old memaw, give him some breathing room! You’re freaking me out!
- Marjorie went to the internet to research Purple Jesus? Tricky lady, how do you know about computers? Do you think she came here? Do you think she went to Meatspin? What else do you think Marjorie looks at on the internet? … You know what? I don’t want to know, actually.
- When Marjorie goes off about all of Purple Jesus’ injuries? That’s fairly humorous as well, like she’s surprised that he plays such a violent game. And he just nods because … well, what’re you going to do? Shut her up? She’s a freight train of snacks coming at you and you better just sit back and enjoy the ride.
- Marjorie sure seems to think that most athletes are bad apples. She almost loses her shit when she finds out the Purple Jesus has never been caught fucking in a stair well, hitting traffic cops with his car, or using a double sided dildo on a boat. Now, that doesn’t mean he’s not mind fucking virgins as he walks down the streets of Minneapolis, but that’s harder to persecute. … wait, is he mind fucking Marjorie?!
- Purple Jesus sure likes brownies. Pot brownies? Note to self; do not eat what Percy Harvin is baking. Oh, did I mention that he likes brownies yet? He loves brownies. Let me ask again …
- Also make a mental note of it: Marjorie likes nuts. They make everything better. Tell that to my girlfriend, honey, HEYO! /becomes single.
- She thought Purple Jesus was 120, 118 pounds. Ha. Maybe his right arm is. And by right arm I mean “penis”.
But seriously, this lady is a peach. I’m glad I got to see this and I would totally not hesitate to spend an afternoon with her. And Purple Jesus just goes on to show that he may be the strongest willed being on this entire planet by spending those entire six minutes with her and keeping a serious face. And perhaps in time he’ll learn do just dive into a ginger snap basket and devour those tasty morsels without a moment’s hesitation.