Oh, They’ll Definitely be Playing in the Pro Bowl

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Yesterday the NFL announced their list of players who were awarded the honor of playing in the 2010 Pro Bowl. This list is actually comprised from 2009 NFL teams for a game that is played before the 2009 season’s Super Bowl which is really in 2010, except players from the teams that are playing in the Super Bowl won’t play in the Pro Bowl, yet by simply being selected players receive large cash bonuses regardless of if they actually play in the Pro Bowl, so it still means something to them I guess … does that make any sense? Of course not. And neither do the Pro Bowl selections for this year. It is, however, noteworthy that eight (8!) Minnesota Vikings were selected from the 2009 team to make this season’s Pro Bowl. According to Vikings.com, that is the largest amount of Vikings selected since the fabled 1998 squad sent 10 representatives to a meaningless game. And guess what?! Neither team will be winning the Super Bowl (Sorry, just trying to lower expectations).

While the entire Pro Bowl concept is a bit ridiculous to begin with, the absurdity is really brought to the forefront when you look at the roster list. In the AFC not one Bengal was chosen as a Pro Bowler. Really? Despite the fact that they have two studly cornerbacks in Leon Hall and Joseph Jefferson and neither were even picked as reserves? And how about Cedric Benson? The guy totally revived his career and topped 1,000 yards as the main running back on a division winning team. And in the NFC, no London Fletcher? The guy is like 74 years old and still plays the position better than Jasper Brinkley. Instead they select Orakpo? Sure, they play different positions technically, but the Pro Bowl doesn’t look at things technically. They look for the hot chick at the prom that drank too much. Maybe Fletcher is like Ugly Betty or something, I don’t know.

Regardless, there have been some obvious snubs in this year’s meaningless Pro Bowl selections. Below is PJD’s top five Viking snubs (because there CLEARLY should have been 13 Viking players on that Pro Bowl roster) and a case is made for each player. Feel free to add your snub selections in the comments with your reasons why.

Percy Harvin, WR/KR: Most notably left off of the list was dynamic Vikings rookie Percy Harvin. Can you believe this travesty?! Not only is Harvin tied for second on the team in total number of receptions this year, he’s also a versatile player that is used all over the field. His touch totals have increased through opportunities at running back and in the Wild Cat formations, as well as during kick off returns where he has been one of the league’s best. Voters chose Desean Jackson over Percy for kick returner? Really? Isn’t Jackson on injured reserve now anyway (Note: May not actually be fact)? Also, keep in mind how royally pissed off Percy must be now. Voters should be aware that they have just woke a sleeping giant and that Harvin may “show up at their door” with a sheathed knife, waiting to meet your jugular. Then he’ll ask, “Sir, do you have any whole milk in your, uh, refrigerator?” before he steps over your bleeding corpse. Should’ve voted him in, idiots.

Antoine Winfield, CB: Winfield didn’t get in?! Why, because he had an injury earlier this year and has more recently been getting beat worse than Rihanna? So what?! Every time Winfield is skipped over in Pro Bowl voting an angel blows their brains out up in Heaven. Do you want to have that responsibility on your shoulders, voters? DO YOU?! Winfield made his first Pro Bowl last year when he was playing out of his God damn mind for most of the season. He had two games last year where he essentially was the only Viking on defense against the Panthers and Saints and he still single handily won those two games. So, that’s all he has to do to get a Pro Bowl selection, huh? Just play a little one on 11? No biggie, we’ll get it against the Giants, ‘Toine.

Chad Greenway, OLB: Noticeably absent from the NFC Pro Bowl roster this year (aside from the quarterback position) is a healthy swash of sickly pale looking skin. You guessed it, hardly any white guys! This is outrageous and tongue-in-cheek, totally not reverse racism! I demand a Rooney type rule to be implemented for Pro Bowl selections. We’ll call it the Brandon Stokely Rule. The first beneficiary? Chad Greenway of course! And who else? The guy leads the team in tackles, fumble recoveries, leads linebackers in passes defended, and is second all-team in interceptions. Plus, he’s like the whitest guy out there that isn’t at the suspiciously all white racist quarterback position or a special teamer, which isn’t really an athlete position anyway. Oh, speaking of …

Chris Kluwe, P: No, no, this isn’t another example of the Stokely Rule. The NFC Pro Bowl punter, 49er Andy Lee, is plenty white, and as stated, no one cares about the special teamers anyway. However, I would one day like to again see a successful black punter. But I digress. What this NFC Pro Bowl squad really lacks is a bonafide egghead, a complete and total NERD, a Guitar Hero master that can dazzle, distract and entertain the AFC squad long enough for the NFC to wrack up the points. What, you think David Akers is going to do it? Hell no. He’s scary enough to play linebacker. No, you need someone lacking a chin, like me with 80 more pounds on my frame, or Kluwe, who already has the inside track in the NFL. Go get ‘em Kluwe! But make it back in time for our LAN party.

Tyrell Johnson, S: Know what else is missing from the NFC Pro Bowl roster? A whole lot of suck at the safety position. Who else is going to not wrap up their tacklers, or slip on the field turf in embarrassing situations, or be caught out of position and take bad angles in the worst ways imaginable? It’s like he never took a geometry class throughout high school or college. This is all part of the MO for an NFL safety though, and no one has done that better this year than Tyrell Johnson. He deserves Pro Bowl recognition as kind of a “Best of the Worst” type of reward. Seriously, NFL, think about how great that would be; a Bizarro World Pro Bowl where the worst full time starters are selected and asked to play a game. It’d be like watching Saturday morning Football Follies all over again. Pure bliss. Maybe play it in like June so really no one would watch.

What are your suggestions and reasons? Put them in the comments and remember to forget to watch the Pro Bowl this year, the week before the Super Bowl! What a silly set up.

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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