PJD’s Week Eight Recap: Give Me Your Tears, Packer Gypsies …

favrelam001 Sweet merciful crap that was awesome: That … was pretty much one of the better things that I have ever done with my life. Watching the Packers get donkey punched in front of 95% of the nation thanks to their former lord and savior has brought me untold amounts of unadulterated bliss. All in a game where I didn’t really think the Vikings would win it either! Color me stupid! But the 38-26 final score tells something different. It tells the tale of a porous Green Bay offensive line. It hints at the grit of injured stars like Bn rising to the challenge and performing in a critical division game. It jots down another note in the annals (lol) of Purple Jesus’ already hefty manuscript that details his dominance over mere mortals. It tells the story that you just can’t make up of every Wisconsin residents worst nightmare coming true, right before their very eyes, as every single dream they had for the 2009 season burns to ash. The Super Bowl seems like a glossed over dream. The playoffs are a distant wish. A division title is now laughable. A Wild Card birth, implausible. And perhaps worst of all Packer fans had to watch as their former daddy dick pranced around with a hot and sexy new purple bitch with a perfect pair of fake tits and made hot consensual love in their own bed. FOUR TIMES. Fuck me that was fantastic.   harvinstamp PJD’s Mushroom Stamp of Approval – Percy Harvin: So yeah, this was all about Brett Favre, and of course when that self whoring prick who can throw a mean touchdown pass for this team I cheer for is ON your team, that comes with the territory. But personally I was more impressed with my new second favorite Viking after Purple Jesus, Percy Harvin. What he does in the return game is laughable because it’s so good. I’m pretty sure the Vikings’ starting field position this whole year has been around the opponent’s 15 yard line every possession because Harvin is such a man child. But don’t let his baby face deceive you! When you least expect it, he’ll make a circus catch in triple coverage, bowl three defenders over and TAKE IT TO THE HOUSE for six. You stupid pricks won’t even know what happened (especially if you’re a triplet of Packer defenders missing chromosomes, or, if you’re just named AJ Hawk). Between that awesome touchdown reception, his dynamic and game changing returns and his general badassery, Percy Harvin becomes the newest recipient of Purple Jesus Diaries Mushroom Stamp of Approval award. And think, this kid is only like 22. What were you doing at 22? Oh right, being a total douche bag. Percy wins.  I also like these guys: In no particular order; n, Visanthe Shiancoe, Purple Jesus, Sidney Ric, Pat Williams and Ray Edwards. Did I miss anyone? The fact t played at all with his hammy all bruised was impressive, as was his touchdown reception. You ever seen a hamstring bruise? Looks like a tire mark on your leg. Fucking brutal. Shiancoe continues to be reliable. I remember when I hated him in his first year, so we’re all happy that’s changed. Purple Jesus is beyond words, so I don’t know why we try to discuss him, but he had some obnoxious runs too. Sidney Fried Rice is all hands, and if you get too close he’ll rough you up with them too! I kid … maybe.  has a very nice mullet and I love it when he rolls onto Aaron Rodgers legs. HURT THAT FUCKER! Pat Williams has been playing better recently after a winded start to the season, but when you’re 780 pounds I don’t really expect anything else. And if Ray Edwards hits every quarterback as hard as he did on that personal foul call, I hope he gets two a game. That call was bullshit and awesome all at the same time and everyone knows it. I WANT MORE VIOLENCE, NFL!! karlpaymah But damnit, I hate you right now: Karl Paymah, I cannot wait for you to return to your team position as a human missile on kickoff returns, because you are beyond brutal in pass coverage. I understand that you are the fourth or fifth option in a team that’s got more balls than a ball pit, but hey, when you’re number is called try acting like you want to be here next year, ok? You know, press a receiver, turn your head around in coverage, put a hand out to block the ball, whatever. It’s the little things, really. I won’t throw you under the bus for that fluky pass to Havner on the goal line because you were kind of in no mans land, but … damn if it still doesn’t make you look like Serwanga. And also, Brian Robison? Fuck you. You’re name isn’t Percy Harvin. It’s not even Dugan Mogan, which would be awesome. You fall on that ball like a cash strapped hooker and don’t let go. And cut your hair, because you trying to imitaten is freaking me out. Well, that and you’re obviously not as good, but whatever. packfanssuck The Packers have the whitest team ever, right?: Seriously, go down the list. Aaron Rodgers, AJ Hawk, Clay Matthews, Aaron Kampman, Brady Poppinga, John Kun, Spencer Havner, Jordy Nelson, Mason Crosby, their offensive line … the list goes on and on. And it’s not that they are just white guys playing football. Most teams have white guys playing football on their team. These guys are fucking white. They all look like the prototypical douchey white kid that thinks he’s the hottest shit on his high school team from Appleton, Wisconsin. I’ve seen this whole squad on the Apple River once, or at least I would have if I’ve ever been to that river full of AIDS. These guys all look like they were born and bred above the rust belt. They are all ugly as fucking Melissa Rivers. It’s just unbelievable. And they are led by the doughiest, pudgy, Midwestern hick looking white boy around in Mike McCarthy. I don’t get it. Maybe it’s just that the green they all wear makes them look suitable for a John Deere or something. Maybe white guys are just ugly, unless you’re named Tom Brady. But this has to clearly put them at a disadvantage, right? The team obviously doesn’t respect ethnic diversity of any kind. I bet their entire coaching staff is white too as well as all the fans that hold their .000001% “ownership” in the team. And if any of them look African American? They’re just rocking the blackface. So very uncouth, Packer fans. arodgloses Packer fans should probably just kill themselves now: I mean, it’s over for them, right? Everything they wanted in this season has pretty much slipped through their grasps. They’re sitting at 4-3, about to go 5-3 but would have to really impress and work their way into the playoffs. I haven’t done very hard research into this, being that it’s the Monday after Halloween, but I’m pretty sure that there are several other teams with a better chance of making it into the playoffs as a Wild Card than the Packers at this point. Even if they did they would get sacked all the way back to their meat packing district and enjoy a nice one and done appearance. But again, this is all HIGHLY improbable speculation here. And while the playoffs are a nice thought, we also know that the real goal of this season was to, if not beat the Favre led Vikings twice in the regular season, beat them twice in convincing fashion. Well, eat it again, suck faces, because that did not happen. Not even close. Your entire season is fucking ruined and it’s only week eight. This is just like my fantasy football team every year. I’d love to share with you some ways to continue to enjoy the football season even though your team is now out of it, but I hate you all too much to give you even that assistance. DIE SLOW! … This is fun! nfcnorthweek8 A quick shanking around the NFC North: Well, we all know what happened with the best team in the North, after they fisted Green Bay all over their own field. That produced ANOTHER Vikings win and ANOTHER Packer loss, with both teams at 7-1 and 4-3, respectively. The Bears beat up on Cleveland in the second half, looking anemic on offense most of the day but grinded out a real tough win against a gutty … oh wait, no I meant shitty, opponent. Cleveland even started Horse Balls Derek Anderson and tried to keet it reasonable. I watched some of that game during the noon hour since the Eagles started their blow out early and thought for a while that Mangini had already been fired in Cleveland and I missed it, because the broadcast kept showing and talking about Rob Ryan and that defense for so long. I was really confused, much like the city of Cleveland. God I would hate myself if I had to cheer for them. Oh, and the Lions lost too, I think. I can neither verify nor deny that though since they are the Lions and since all I know is that Megatron sat and that he’s completely fucked my fantasy squad this season. I’M VERY DISSAPOINTED IN YOU, CALVIN. Lesson learned, until I pick him up again next year. Anyway, the Viking are just rolling to a division crown this year, and at 7-1 are starting to put a strangle hold on a division crown. Bask in our glory, you cock bags! vikingssun A winning haiku for a Vikings win: Beat you once? Shame you. Beat you twice? It’s called killing Two birds with one Favre. Awesome, lofty, grand start to the season, fair readers. It’s been some good solid fun. Enjoy the bye week. I’ll be busy lubing up my double sided dildong for my boat party I got invited to. Put your bye week plans in the comments, but make sure to stop by Friday for a special Bye Week Preview at PJD. Until then, enjoy the week! Pictures from ESPN.com and Vikings.com.

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

Quantcast