PJD’s Week Five Game Recap: THIS IS THE BEST TEAM EVAH!!!!

vikesrams001 At least that’s what Favre says: But I think he may need to settle down a bit here. After dismantling the Saint Louis Rams on Sunday 38-10, your Minnesota Vikings are one of four teams that currently sit at 5-0. But one of the other teams is the Denver Broncos, so I’d still remain a little bit skeptical about this whole thing. And on top of that, the Vikings win this weekend was a bit deceiving as well. The Rams had over 400 yards of offense on the Vikings vaunted defense, making Kyle Boller look like he’s heaving bombs in a Madden game. Without a couple of timely, and in retrospect hilarious, foibles in the red zone for the Rams, this game could have looked a lot worse for the Vikings. Yeah, they won, but they also came out pretty flat, got up early and then coasted. Which I guess is fine, because, hey, they still won. And as predicted, we did get a TarVar appearance and he played fucking stellar. For instance, last season when Jackson would make that Tahi dump off pass it would only go for two yards on a third and three. Yesterday, that same play went for a huge gainer of 32 yards. To that I say fuck and yes. Maybe he is trying to learn a thing or two from Silver Fox. Like how to buckle your stone washed jeans just right, so they’ll attractively show off your junk when you’re playing a pick up game of pig skin with the boys in the park. … What?   PJD’s Mushroom Stamp of Approval: When you roll up on your opponent by four touchdowns there is a lot of accolades to be handed out. As stated many times over though, this salty stamp cannot be handed out to Purple Jesus each and every week, even though he obviously always deserves it, even when he plays the 49ers. This is because he’s already known as the best player ever, you see. So really, this is the award for second best player. I like to think of it as the player that gets knighted by Purple Jesus’ poop covered dong in the stamping. This week, your heralded stamp king is defensive end J who continues to make a strong case for defensive player of the year after he added two tackles, a pass defender, two fumble recoveries and a defensive touchdown which buried the hapless Rams early on. Coming off his four and a half sack game against Green Bay, n continues to add fans and supporters toith his outstanding play, and will always have a place in my heart for being so mantastic. tyrell005 The case for Tyrell Johnson: I’ve been reading a lot (ok, not reading, looking at pictures) on this here interwebz recently about Vikings safety Tyrell Johnson and how many feel he is the weak link on this defense. “He can’t cover anyone.” “He looks lost out there.” “We moved up in the draft for this kid?” Yeah, rubes, how dare a kid under 25 starting his first season as a regular starter on an outstanding defense look a bit overwhelmed. WHY ARE YOU NOT ALREADY A PRO BOWLER?? Fans are fucking idiots like this. I think Tyrell is doing a fine job at safety. Two examples. There was, I think late in the third quarter, a pass down the left hash marks that assuredly would have been a touchdown if Johnson had not ran HALF WAY ACROSS THE FIELD and jumped in front of the pass at the last moment. I bet Sharper would have botched that. And sure, maybe he should have seen that guy streaking there sooner, but he was also worried about a tight end coming over the middle, so he had to respect both. And he made that pass deflection about as awesomely as you could. Oh, and then he got that interception in the endzone that was fairly gift wrapped, but hey, that was a big play too. Could he improve his reaction time and pass coverage? Sure. But he tackles hard and plays his responsibilities in the defense that is called very well. The Vikings play a Cover Two defense, which schematically means garbage to me. I’m not a fucking genius. But I bet this is a case of half talent and growth, and half plays being called and scheme. So lay the fuck off of him. He would pimp slap you so hard in an alley way, I promise you that. ramsbad Is Saint Louis really that bad? Because they looked fairly terrible. I actually thought that their defense would sneak up on the Vikings and pop them pretty good. They did manage to bottle up Purple Jesus a little bit better than I anticipated, despite his two touchdowns. Let’s just say that my 700 yards and 20+ touchdowns in one game was a wee bit high. In their defense, he was still kept under 100 yards though, which is making that 2000 yard season seem like a distant dream. And hey, homeboy Laurinaitas looks like the real deal, sooo … congrats, Rams. But that offense looks weaker than the fourteen year old in my trunk. Sure, Bulger has mostly been injured this year, but he’s more overrated than a Will Smith movie. And how about when that dickhead Donnie Avery did the stanky leg in the endzone after his fourth quarter touchdown? Against the second string defense? You douche bag. You don’t get to do that when you’re down five touchdowns before that score. You were playing a fucking college defense at that point, and you’re showboating? I hope you get AIDS in your eye. coozehound But on the plus side, yesterday was an epic day for throwbacks: Holy shit yesterday was a good looking uniform day. I really liked the Rams outfits. Their current ones look dull and gray and boring, like my porn collection. Their throwbacks on Sunday were stellar though, with colors that popped and hit you right in the mouth. But the highlight of the day was the uniforms worn by the Broncos and the Patriots. A lot of southern hicks and homophobic meat heads may tell you that those Broncos uniforms were terrible, and that their vertical socks caused them vertigo. I say to them shut the fuck up you jack offs. Those uniforms owned. Those socks were the most bitching thing I’ve seen since those Miley Cyrus self shots in the bathroom. And those Patriot throwbacks?? Don’t get me started. I don’t understand why they can’t wear those all of the time. Especially the little beanie that cooze hound Belichek had on. If I didn’t think everything out of Boston sucked horse balls I would totally own one of those. Unfortunately, everything out of Boston does suck horse balls, so I will not be wasting my poorly earned money on that hat. But the Widow Maker looked quite dapper in it.   standings10122009 A quick shanking around the NFC North: There’s not a lot to report about the NFC North this week. The Packers and Bears both had bye weeks which was hilarious for me for two separate reasons. First, the Packers have had to sit and fume about getting curb stomped by the Vikings on the Monday night game for an entire week now without being able to take out any aggression on another team. I don’t know who they play next, but if they lose again I’m fairly certain that it will tailspin their entire season and all Packer fans should just go and kill them selves right away. It’ll save you the pain for later. The Bears, and more specifically Jay Cuntler Face, on the other hand got to sit and watch as the Broncos went to 5-0 on the season, beating one of the perennially better teams in the league in the Patriots. All of a sudden Josh McDaniels looks like Einstein in Denver, and Cuntler looks like a salty hooker who got kicked to a wet alleyway with dried semen in her hair. You fucking dumbass Cutler. I hope the Bears media roasts you on a spit. And, well, Detroit is Detroit. Baby Hands Culpepper put up a valiant effort filling in for Stafford this week and almost, almost, led an upset win over the Steelers … except for his three – or was it even four at the end? – consecutive sacks to end the Lions drive. That shit was hilarious too. God I love this division. So currently, your Minnesota Vikings remain undefeated and alone atop the NFC North rankings. See: Picture above. vikesrams1 A winning haiku for a Vikings win: “Ram it down his throat!” Rams fans yell to their buddies Before watching games   Enjoy the week. A real test will be rolling into the Metrodome next week as the Vikings face off against the shit hole town of Baltimore and welcome back Harvard Grad Matt Birk, before they stomp the absolute shit out of him. I can’t wait for that debacle. See you Friday.

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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