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Men have lofty goals in life. Some aspire to be great fathers and countrymen, others hope to rub one out in the shower before the wife opens the door. Some, like myself, simply want to talk to girls. Ha, but really … At PJD, we won’t settle for simple obscurity and wasted opportunity. BECAUSE THIS IS THE INTERNET! We realize we have a voice, and although there’s no reason for it to ever be heard (mainly because it’s high pitched and whiny), we sure do wish someone would listen. Like, say, a cheerleader for the Minnesota Vikings, past or present. Oh sure, we could make up fake stories about some of them (and probably will at some point) or not put in any effort to try and stalk a member down through a variety of creepy 4chan means, but then what else would we do? Write more dick jokes
and be angry at Brett Favre
? No one wants to hear that shit. We need to grow, to expand, to begin the quest for the elusive interview with a Vikings cheerleader.
Let’s keep this simple. All we want is to exchange e-mails or perhaps share lovely small chat with a lady that has danced the dance for fans at the Metrodome in the purple and gold. We don’t want to ask anything damning, we simply want to have them be acquainted with the fan base and allow them another venue to share their unique view on life, the team, and fat overweight Viking fans. Really, all the interviews go to the athletes like Purple Jesus, ann, but what about the ladies? Should there not be equality between man and woman, on the field and on the sidelines? I don’t know, but it seems like a good excuse to push for an interview! But let’s make this clear. Although Purple Jesus is the title here, we’re not magicians; we can’t make these authentic interviews appear out from the skeletons in Tyrell Johnson’s closet. We’ll need some help, and so this is a call to the masses, that if anyone has any suggestions on whom to interview, any connections to current or former cheerleaders, or knows a person that was the father to a nephew of a cousin whose former roommate was a cheerleader, shoot us a line! Help every man reach their lofty goals through communal collaboration! Help me to help you, and we shall reach victory! In the meantime, after doing some intensive “research” (see: touched my crotch) on this subject at the cheerleader site
, we did come across a list of potential interview candidates
, based purely on the randomness of what caused our pants to move. These are not the only candidates, obviously, and we would encourage readers to nominate their own from the website squad list
for an interview. If a consensus is reached among voters, or if someone comes through with a major personal connection breakthrough that does not involve any of us losing a testicle, then that individual will win the interview by default. If nothing comes to fruition immediately, we will continue our valiant pursuit of the elusive interview, until we accept epic failure and then make some kind of stupid shit up. So in order to get the wheels turning, take a look at the randomly selected candidates below, and visit the website
for other ideas. Also, make sure to leave your own suggestion in the comments, hobos. Now get to work!