There was a big fluster yesterday as news starved Viking fans finally read the interview that defensive tackle Pat Williams did with some guy (Alex Marvez of FoxSports.com … about as anonymous as PJD, except he’s a president emeritus!). He weighed in (pun intended) on several issues, but we noted that the tone of the interview was different from what we typically hear from Pat. It was then that we realized that Marvez, emeritus and all, must have edited Pat’s comments for his generic FoxSports audience.
Since we don’t pull that bullshit here, because no one actually reads this crap, we’ve decided to get our grubby hands on the unedited version of Pat’s comments, where he discusses Star Caps, Jackson and Favre, and pass the FACTS! on to you!
On the Star Caps trial (How it’s affecting him for 2009, the team, and his experience with the legal hurdles): It’s some tough doodad t’deal wid, man, I’m not goin’ t’lie. Me and Kevin, we dought we kind’a outsmarted da damn system last year by postponin’ it and allowin’ us t’play fo’ de rest uh de season, but little dun did we know dat I’d mess mah’ shoulda’ blade down and gots’ta sit out durin’ de playoffs. Dat pissed me off t’no end. Seein’ dat little bastard Westbrook runnin’ around drove me insane. ah’ would gots blasted him right out uh his kickers. But dat’s neida’ here no’ dere. ah’ know we wuz hopin’ t’have dis all wrapped down by now, but da damn NFL be bein’ some royal bitch about dis. You’s may gots heard dat droughout dis whole process I’ve real learned t’not trust da damn NFL. Dey’ve been lyin’ t’everyone’s face, regardless uh whut dey say publicly. Slap mah fro! When ah’ say we called in about da damn product, wuz told it wuz ok, followed all de right procedures and everydin’, and den dey say it’s all lies? Yeah, ah’ gots some problem wid dat. Man! But we’ll see. If we is suspended fo’ de fust foe games dis year ah’ have some baaaad feelin’ about dis team t’still mosey on down out wid some wins. We gots some mo’e quality depd behind Kevin and me now, and we’ve been wo’kin’ wid dose dudes all off season t’cut dem some tricks uh de trade t’make sho’ man dat da damn talent drop off isn’t too much. Lop some boogie. If nuthin, it’ll plum be some big weight difference when I’m off de line! Right on!
On quarterback Tarvaris Jackson and what he needs to do for 2009: You’s know, sucka’s rag on Buckwheatson too much. Lop some boogie. Dey dink he duzn’t gots de talent t’play quarterback in de NFL. Dat’s bullshit. Man! He’s one uh de most talented players on de entire team. WORD! His issue gots always been between de ears and dat he hasn’t put da damn most time in as possible t’learn his role. ah’ keep tellin’ him, if ya’ wanna play quarterback in de NFL, and ya’ usually put in foe hours uh wo’k, ya’ gots’ta put in eight. Man! If ya’ bench 300 pounds, ya’ gots’ta bench 600. If he runs some 4.6 fo’ty, he’s gots’ta dig it waaay down t’a 2.3 fo’ty. Slap mah fro! Dese is de types uh din’s ya’ gots’ta do t’succeed in dis league. It’s not college no mo’. You’s’re not competin’ against division II swamp doodads no mo’ out uh de baya’, dis be de best uh de best. Man! But ah’ don’t tell him dat t’be hard on him, ah’ tell him dat cuz’ I know whut it’s likes. ah’ went undrafted and had t’wo’k harda’ dan de dude next t’me fo’ years befo’e ah’ gots’ta be where I’m at. Man! So’s it kin be done, Buckwheatson plum has t’come t’terms wid how much he wants’s de job and dig it how much wo’k he gots’ta do t’get it. Man!
On Brett Favre maybe being a Viking: Ok, ah’ plum said all dat encouragin’ bullshit about Buckwheatson, but let’s be honest here. If we could dig some hall uh fame quarterback likes Favre on dis roster, even at 39, o’ hell, even at 62, we gots’ta do it. Man! He wouldn’t even gots’ta drow de ball! Right on! ah’ sent him some text message da damn oda’ day and said, “Yo! Buckwheatass, why is you not digtin’ paid millions t’hand da damn ball off??” Dat sounds likes de easiest job ever. Ah be baaad… He duzn’t even gots’ta tackle any sucka, likes mah’ old ass duz. Why would he not do dat? A’cuz he’d hurt Packa’ fan feelin’s? Come on. ‘S coo’, bro. Dose sucka’s in Wisconsin is so far down deir ass, dere’s no ‘suse fo’ dem. WORD! Dey wear cheese on deir haid. Whut de hell be dat? We would so’s easily win de Supuh’ Bowl, ah’ plum … ah’ can’t even rap about it cuz’ it digs me so’s wo’ked down. It makes me wanna snatch some diuretic t’plum purge da damn dough fum mah’ body … o’, wait … neva’ mind.