Zero Insight, with Sid Hartman

1hartman112107 Occasionally, Purple Jesus likes to check in with geriatric columnist Sid Hartman to see what secular insight the elder architect has included in his daily column. Most likely it is full of piss and vinegar, like the old man himself, but occasionally Purple Jesus comes across nuggets like these …

A lot of people close to the Vikings would be shocked if center Matt Birk, now a free agent, isn’t re-signed after making a few visits to other teams.

Shocked? Really? Even people not close to the Vikings wouldn’t be heart broken to see him leave. Personally, he makes my job harder when he’s slow to get up out of his stance and I have to pass block for the defensive tackle he’s responsible for, the blitzing middle linebacker he should be chipping, and the outside backer that that fat ass McKinnie slept on. Truth be told, I’d be shocked if they got an actual center on this offensive line that’s not a partial ginger headed freak.

The St. Louis Rams, where former Vikings offensive coordinator Steve Loney is the offensive line coach might have been interested in Birk had they not signed Jason Brown from the Baltimore Ravens…

If even that idiot Loney figured out how to sign Brown, I’m wondering what Major Dad was thinking.

…making him the highest-paid center in the league at $37.5 million for five years, including $20 million guaranteed.

Well, at least we didn’t pay that money. Now we can spend all that guaranteed dough on a quarterba … Nevermind. Give me the ball, I’ll throw it.

Free-agent safety Darren Sharper is visiting the New Orleans Saints today…

Check the levies!

…but he also told the Chicago Tribune on Saturday that he wouldn’t mind playing for the Bears, which would keep him in the same division as the Vikings and the Packers…

Good. Come try to tackle me, pretty boy, I’ll truck your ass.

… his two former teams. “There’s definitely a lot of interest,”…

Which I am sure is entirely one sided, Darren.

… he said. “First, they’re in the NFC North, which I’ve grown accustomed to. They have a great defense. And they’re on the cusp of getting back to the Super Bowl…

Don’t doubt the power of the neck beard!

…It’s a great organization. And it’s great to draw some interest from them.”

God, doesn’t he sound like a prom queen? I didn’t know you made such effeminate men that played football … what? Garcia? Really?? I should have known…

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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