Championship Previews: Creating a Saints’ Briefcase of Hate

Here at PJD we did a lot of soul searching after yesterdays post concerning the likeability of the Saints. Truth be told, I would still probably root for them if they got to the Super Bowl over the Vikings and had to face off against Manning Face or Dirty Sanchez. But let’s think for a moment here. Really, PJD? you’re going to talk all day about how the Saints are sweeter than honey on vajayjay? That’s some bull shit and quite frankly just a flat out lie. Also, it’s not any fun. So after scrunching my face up as best as I could and scowling and whining like a kid without his Nintendo I started to find some things about the Saints that don’t just suck, but blow. And Championship Purple Jesus Christ do these things blow big enough that it makes me want to ninja star some bastards ini the face. And when we’re talking about that, who else would we start with from the Saints than …

Reggie Bush: Where do you even start with this douche nozzle? The potential number one pick in the 2006 draft who decided not to show up for his entire career until the Divisional playoff game against Arizona, Reggie is really more celebuslut than football player. Is he dynamic? Sure. Does he have cop speed? You bet your ass he does. Is he also a lazy prick that is more concerned with shitty fashion and being the number one bitch to his girlfriend that is crazy rich but also crazy crazy? Oh yeah. That’s what I hate about Reggie Bush. His ego is as large as his testicles are small and he doesn’t seem to understand that number one overall pick potential who are busts are undeserving of the adulation that he receives. Thank God you were selected second, you ass. Sorry Reggie, but no one is calling you Gold Jesus or Black Jesu … Eeee. Nevermind. Regardless, you have quite the lofty opinion of yourself you dick, and unless you ever finally put two solid games back to back then you are one of the biggest pieces of shit that has come out of New Orleans since Archie Manning and his spawn of Satan sons.

Jeremy Shockey: Sure, Bush is a mindless and talentless schlub (Note: Not true), but he doesn’t begin to capture the assholishness of the one and only American flag adorned tight end Jeremy Shockey. It’s almost not fair to hate on Shockey because he’s so god damn easy to hate. Greasy ugly blonde hair? Tons of it. Fuck the world attitude that is factually undeserved? Holy buckets yes. And let’s not forget that this douche forced his way out of New York, a team who maybe not surprisingly won the Super Bowl once he stopped playing, and also went to Da U, aka worst fucking school ever. He deserves all of the broken legs he’s ever had as well as all of the stds and viscous fluids that have ever 
exited his urethra. Yeah, of course he’s alegre to be a bigger whore than Raven Riley. Not cool unless your an attractive female, and Shockey? He’s not.

Fuck Da Eagles Girl: This girl? She’s not really attractive either, and that’s what pisses me off. I’m sure your familiar with this dumb broad who wore her four year old style home made shirt that said “Fuck da Eagles”, correct spelling and all, and was then captured on live TV with it on. What do you do then? Well make several screen captures of it and whore yourself out to Maxim while you choke the living shit out of your fifteen minutes. You bitch. Do something productive or go drown in a broken levy. I have a feeling that this whole “get famous for doing nothing” mentality, while prevelant in youth under 25 across America, is especially rampant among Saints fans. Because they’re lazy. Yeah, I said it.

Katrina-Harping Saints fan: Which kind of brings us to the Saints fan that continues to harp about Katrina and how winning football games and going to the Super Bowl would totally make New Orelans’ residents lives better. Really? That’s as fucking shallow as making Katrina jokes to begin with and trust me, I know a thing or two about being shallow. Listen cock twister, football gives a fuck about hurricanes and vice versa. If the Saints win the Super Bowl there will still be neighborhoods upon neighborhoods that will be fucked for life in that city and families living in hoarder filled trailer homes. Quit preaching your Katrina glory and the benefits of football. Those 15 minutes up yet? See, that’s shallow.

Will Smith: God I hate you Will Smith. Have you had a single good movie since the first Men in Black? Are you still flirting with Scientology? Are you still whoring your kid out for a Karate Kid remake? God you have just gone downhill in recent years. And now you’re trying to play football? What are you, like 55? … Wait, what? There’s a Saints player called Wil Smith? What a dick.

Darren Sharper: Self explanatory. I’ll let commentors rip into him.

So there you have it. Let’s get this hate train rolling. Any other suggestions? Add them in the comments, and make sure you build the Briefcase of Hate for Sharper there too!


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.