Could Brett Favre Actually Just Die on the Field?

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Brett Favre was slammed on the ground Monday night harder than a Snookie punch. He was officially diagnosed with a concussion, but we’d be remiss if we didn’t acknowledge that he must also be suffering from dementia, illusions of grandeur, and possibly mental retardation, because there apparently is still a chance that he may come back and play at some point this season. You know, the season where the Vikings aren’t playing for anything and that only has two games left. Said interim head coach Les Frazier in his after game presser on Tuesday afternoon:

“I don’t think so at this stage,” Vikings interim coach Leslie Frazier said Tuesday when asked if he might place Favre on IR and thus end his season and likely his career. “He’s proven time and time again that he’s capable of coming back and playing again so I don’t think so.”

“You have to be aware of that potential risk and we have to weigh those. But on that one hit that he did have [there] really wasn’t a chance for him to avoid [it]. The [player] was on him so fast, he just had no way of protecting himself when he hit the ground. That’s always a possibility, but that’s a risk even if he had not had any previous injuries. Just the way that occurred.”

Christ almighty. Is it possibly that Favre simply ends up playing until he just dies right there on the field? I say yes, and envision it happening like this:

Since the NFL is promoting gynecology and limp wristed behavior surrounding concussions, and since next week when the Vikings play in Philadelphia against the Eagles seems do be a pretty certain death wish for an immobile quarterback, I would guess that Favre will once again sit. This of course means his last chance to die (at least this season, and possibly in purple) would be the following week against the Lions in Detroit. And that seems a better place than any to end his hollow life.

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You see, Detroit doesn’t suck horribly. Their defensive line is damn good, especially with Big Mr. Suh in the middle crashing puny dick heads like John Sullivan back hundreds of miles to Minneapolis with a smirk. The Lions defensive line could easily get pressure on Favre, and with many people knowing it might very well be his last game ever, you know these young pups who were just little semen seeds in a nut sack when Favre was taking his first NFL snaps, will be amped up to slaughter the weak and rape his wimins. BRING ME BRITTANY FAVRE, STRETCH MARKS AND ALL!

Favre won’t last through the first quarter. The offensive line won’t help, clearly. Favre will be dropping back for a pass on a third down when Suh splits up the middle and pounces on him in slow motion. It’ll all happen like a high def Avatar movie, and as Suh gets closer to Favre, we’ll just be able to see the life drain from his eyes. We’ll see him reflect on his first start, his Super Bowl win, his Monday night game after his dad died, and every interception he’s ever thrown. It’ll be then when his body goes limp, his form lifeless, and his uniform drops to the turf like they are fresh out of the laundry. His material body will cease to exist, and the only thing we’ll see is his celestial portrait floating from midfield to the heavens as Favre is never heard from again. Deanna will light up a cigarette, Packer fans will weep, and Suh will be fucking pissed because he won’t be credited with the sack. He will however get the interception as Favre’s arm WAS moving forward when he disappeared, and the ball will drop right into Suh’s hands. Weird, I know. The Lions will then go on to win and beat the Vikings for the first time in, like, five years or something.

And how fitting will it be? In the final game of a horrible season of his two year contract when the Vikings haven’t lost to the Lions since before Favre first flirted with retirement, the season will end, his legacy will be immortalized, and the Lions will become the more dominant team in the NFC North. Everything will turn a 180. Black will be white, up will be down, Aaron Rodgers will be straight. But then Favre will come back and coach in like five years for the Vikings and we’ll all be cool again.

At least that’s what I am anticipating what will happen.

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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