By now, most of you have heard about the perennially awesome Oakland Raiders potentially having interest in one of the Minnesota Vikings’ quarterbacks. Which one, you ask? The one that is a first ballot Hall of Famer that almost got the team to the Super Bowl last year? Or maybe it’s the one that is being molded into a young Donovan McNabb with dangerous potential, and dare I say speed for a quarterback, that Raiders’ owner Al Davis shoots dried man batter out to those types of measurables?
Ha. It’s neither. It’s this douche bag.
Ok, that’s not fair. Sage is probably a super nice guy. However, if some other team, especially some other team like the Raiders, wants to initiate talks to trade for MY team’s third string quarterback, you jump on that chance quicker than Madonna jumps on cute little African children. I mean, how can you not? A year ago the Vikings traded a fourth round pick to Houston for Rosen-fails, the season after he did his infamous helicopter spin, and then signed him to a contract extension with the intent of having him and TarVar battle to the death for the starting quarterback position. Well, we all know it turned out Favre wanted to bask in the lime light once more, and Sage probably took the most amazing rollercoaster dive you have ever seen, going from favored starter (and he should’ve been going in to last season) to third string quarterback THE ENTIRE YEAR. What a nightmare. That’s like waking up next to your sister and she’s not even attractive. What?
Regardless, these talks are obviously only in the preliminary stages so there’s no guarantee that it will happen. Of course, that doesn’t stop people from wild speculations because holy shit we would love to free up a quarterback roster spot. But why? Well, trading Sage would seem to be a strong indicator that the Vikings are beyond confident that Favre is coming back. I mean, that’s already the general consensus, but this would pretty much cement it. In fact, if they did trade Sage, I don’t know how they could put off the whole “Oh, we don’t know if he’s coming back yet or not” act until after training camp. Roger Goodell would eventually stick his fat head into everything and try to figure out what was going on. Probably fine the team or something stupid. Dick.
Also, I like the move because it would set the Vikings up nicely for a couple of things. Depending on what you get from the Raiders, let’s say some type of third to fourth round draft pick, you could use that in a package deal to move up and secure a quarterback that you project to be your starter a couple years from now. Whether that’s the spiky haired douche Jimmy Clausen if he falls, Colt McCoy if he slips through low enough, or even … God forbid? … Tim Teblow, so be it. You now have the assets to move around in the draft and finally lock that quarterback shit up.
Now let’s say this happens and the guy ends up being a project. Oh shit, he needs to sit for like four years like Tony Homo did. Ok. Well, let’s have Favre for one more with Jackson as an insurance back up, then let him walk (because I’m pretty sure he’ll be a free agent finally in 2011), Favre finally fucking retires, then you sign McNabb if the kid’s not ready right away to a three year contract and let those two battle it out. Why would McNabb do that though? I don’t know. He’s retarded. He doesn’t even know the rules of football. I’m sure you can get him to do anything if you give him enough beers, and I mean … AN. E. THING. Would the rest of the team wait around for you to take that long to establish a young quarterback? Probably not. But then you can build around him, Percy, Griffin, Squid, Loadholt, ALBERT FUCKING YOUNG … I mean, the list goes on.
Regardless, this is all purely masturbatory speculation because Sage, at this time, is still wearing purple, and not because he’s effeminate. So until this trade happens, let’s all remain optimistically reserved and dream of the possibilities that, if it were to go down, could be absolutely AWESOME.
Thanks Sage. Now GTFO.