Don’t Packer, She Has a Disease Called Sucking and Other Packer Hate

Yes, it is that time of the year, finally, where we can all take the gross amount of hate that we’ve been bottling up over our co-workers, our stupid kids, that loud mouth in class, our jackass neighbor, and thousands of other people, and offer it as an explosion of rage direct it to one sole source; Green Bay Packer fans. Today, I have taken the liberty of scouring the internet to see what Packer fans are talking about, what type of LIES they are spewing, what YOU are saying, as well as any additional comments I’ve been sent. Yes, it’s a briefcase of hate, and you better watch out, ’cause this bitch is about to explode.

First, we travled by a Packer blog undoubtedly written by a homosexual, called “Total Packers.” More like Total Losers, amirite?!?! And why am I so convinced this blog is written by a homosex? Because he has been talking more Favre dick than even I have. That, and six of the half dozen or so posts on the front page all have something to do with Favre, like these guys are some scorned bitch of a girlfriend keeping stalky track of their ex on Facebook. Fucking weird. Their most drama related headline?


I may have taken SOME artistic liberties in that title, but not as many as you’d think. Regardless, we now know one thing about Packer fans/bloggers going into this week: They are still gay for Brett Favre.

We also have this place called “Cheesehead TV.” I didn’t actually read anything on it, but did want to bring your attention to it because I thought the irony of such a shitty looking, mid-1990′s website having an AOL ad on it’s front page was hilarious. Pretty sure this site is still hosted by Geocities.

There is also the Acme Packing Company, the Packer equivalent to The Daily Norseman. Essentially, it’s a bunch of butt hurt rubes toeing the company line more often than not. What I found enjoyable here though was the opening paragraph from the first post on the page:

One of the lowlights I’ve ever had as a fan of the Green Bay Packers happened last year. I was expecting them to show up with a lot of pride and energy when the Minnesota Vikings played at Lambeau last November, but instead they went down by 21 points early in the 3rd quarter, and I watched as QB Brett Favre looked profoundly smug on the sidelines in the closing minutes.

That’s odd, because that’s one of the best feelings I’VE ever had as a fan, outside of when we won a playoff game last year. Do you remember that, Packer fan? Playoff wins? “Yeah, well we have a Super Bowl win, douche!” Yeah, a thousand years ago, and you still live in Wisconsin.

There is also this, a Packers blog called “The Out of Bounds” blog, run by the Green Bay Gazette. I’m guessing you’re seeing the same thing I am, namely a huge phallic looking object on the front page of a major newspaper’s sports blog? Oh Green Bay, you silly geese. Don’t ever change.

Another blog called “Tundra Vision” wrote a post before these assholes lost to the Dolphins called, “Am I still a Fan?” Not only is this a hilarious question, but it also reminded me of when I watched the Packer game where they lost to the Redskins with some distant family members who are Packer fans, the majority of these people had never heard about the Favre cock story, didn’t know the name of Clay Matthews, had no idea who Brian Bulaga was, and still claimed to be die hard Packer fans. To answer Tundra Vision’s question, I’d probably say “No, you’re just an idiot.” Simple enough.

Also, I’d be remiss without mentioning what’s happening in Vikings/Packers chatter if I didn’t talk about the NFC North: the Nasty and the Nice blog, where of course the nice is referring to the Packers, and the Nasty refers to the Vikings sodomizing every orifice available on Packer fan bodies with splintered wood. Hey, sometimes it pays to be the bad boy. At this time, there is only a more Packer centric post up there, WHICH FUCKING SUCKS, but I’m assuming the lady that writes the Vikings portion will spit some venom towards the Pack as well. Keep an eye out for that.

But enough from these inbreds that just hooked up their dial up connection. The real question is what are YOU saying so far about Vikings/Packers?!? Uh … mostly just on Twitter. First from Green0211 we have this comment:

I would rather run naked through a rosebush garden then jump into a pool filled with chlorine than be a Packers fan! SKOL

Jesus. I enjoy a good dose of Packer hatred as much as the next person, but I think the only thing I hate enough to make me do that would be the reanimation of Kurt Cobain. That’s some solid, blood boiling hate right there. Kudos to you, and apologies to your private parts, which will inevitably be  scorched off. Next we have this comment from Soopafreak:

dress up like a Noah’s Ark turnstile, and go as the Packers offensive line RT @: I don’t know what to be for Halloween!

BOOM! FUCK YOUR FACE PACKER FAN! Although, this could easily be said about the Vikings as well, FYI. Next is from bbarnes33:

Can Aaron Rodgers throw a football farther than me? Or course. But I know much, much more about life than he does.

Ha ha, fuck you Aaron Rodgers! You don’t even have a college degree! Fucking retard.

Finally, I got this nice little piece of hate mail from Mike:

It’s packers week and I’m pretty stoked/nervous. But i’m writing to you about Packer fans. Here’s my biggest beef with them. Not only do they do the classic, “oh, well how many super bowls have you won?” They just rub it in immensely and that’s their only comeback. I’m sorry but you had one superbowl win with Brett and your other two were 300 hundred years ago when 3 teams played in the league.

It’s true. If Minnesota lived in the past then they could only claim the shitty, worthless NCAA Championships before World War 1 for the Goph ……… Uh, their Northwest Division Championship for the Timberwo ……. Uh, the two World Series titles for the Twins almost 20 years ag ……… Well. Hats off to you then, Packer fans.

As is usual, I’m sure you have lots more hate you’re sitting on. Maybe you just came across a paralyzingly stupid Packers comment or article. Maybe it’s a repressed story about Packer fans. Regardless, you should get it off your chest. If I get any entries, we’ll highlight them in this week’s game preview, so send me shit either in e-mail, on Twitter, or hit our Facebook, and help us spread the hate. And if there ARE any Packer fans reading this, I’ll gladly take Vikings hate too. I’m an equal opportunist, you poop stuffers.



About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.