Fantasy football seasons are apparently really long. I mean, I think we’re starting to get near the end of this charade (and closer to finding out who gets a free t-shirt from the PJD merchandise store!) and heading to the playoffs, but I already feel that this league has been going on forever. It reminds me of early in the season when my team didn’t suck, when Feisty wasn’t one game over .500, when Parole Models was a legit contender, but good lord have things changed.
Except for Percy and Crocs running trains on people, of course.
Everyone loves the underdog: Going in to week 11, there weren’t really a lot of games to get excited about. Oh, Rose and Feisty? She’ll pluck his flower. Cheeseheads and Ass Virginity? Someone’s going home smelling like mildew. Parloe and Crocs? At least THIS should be a game of inches. Unfortunately, the only excitement this week came in watching the previously shitty teams put an absolute beat down on formerly dominant ones. Teams like Rose and Cheesy, who I admit were completely left for dead like South Korea, absolutely gang busted this week. Cheesy almost dropped 70 fucking points (which seems like a distant memory to my team) with help from Marques Colston and the Ravens defense. Ass Virginity was left wondering who hit him, and why there’s a used condom in his butt. Likewise with Rose and Feisty. Rose was so excited he actually, peripherally, participated this week in shit talking on Twitter!
I’m up to my shoulder in Feisty Fingers in the @PJDiaries fantasy football league. I’m tickling her neck from the inside from down below.
You know it’s a good week for him when you actually hear from him. Me? Visanthe and I had a friendly match, but nothing serious. I like those. It’s like dating your cousin. What?
Things that look like cheating: Now, I’m not saying anything here, I’m just saying. I remember on draft night Cheesy was talking LOADS of shit about how great his draft was. When he was 2-6, however, none of us heard a whole lot from him, but someone needs to tell the Vikings that a simple three game winning streak can get you right back into the middle of this cluster fuck. And mention that to Parole too, who went from second best in the Choad Licking division to dead last place now. That’s got to feel like the hot blond in high school who got pregnant and never went to college. Wait … that’s not who Parole actually is, is it?? Also of note, Percy is separating himself from the rest of the Labia division one game at a time, Crocs and Gibson’s Athletes are now assured a playoff spot, and the rest of the teams are all now looking very mediocre. Someone step it up, dammit!
I got a good feeling about Purple Jesus now: I was prepped to start telling everyone to drop all of their Vikings players this week, because against the Packers the only player worth their salt lick fantasy wise was Longwell (I guess), the defense for 10 minutes, and Aaron Rodgers, because I thought you get points for getting opposing coaches fired mid-season. You know he’s leading the league in that. But I have a good feeling about what Leslie will let Favre and Bevell do with this offense. I think they’re going to get the ball in Purple Jesus’ hands more and also open the offense up for Favre. See, we don’t penalize interceptions in this league, so you just take your chances that he’ll have a three touchdown game once this year, and that’s when Rose is back in business (because he had Favre, last I heard). So I’m holding out hope still that this unknown team may now step back into their spot light and put up, at least, like a touchdown or something.
Things to make your boobs hard in anticipation: Thanksgiving games, first, and three of them. We all had to adjust two weeks ago by setting rosters for the NFL Network’s first Thursday night game which didn’t mean much, but now we have three games this Thursday on Thanksgiving. I have Megatron going here, so I’ll be watching for sure as I face my fears against Rose. It’s the battle of the blogs, part deux! We never did anything for the last one when I won, so I don’t expect Rose to make a bloggy bet for this battle either, unless he tries to do it retroactively after he wins. Fucker. The Scissor match up is back with Parole and Feisty, and Wilf’s Stache can find himself right back into this if he can drop Cheesy this week. With so many teams close and three more playoff spots open, everyone has a reason to set their roster this week, SO DON’T STOP FUCKING PLAYING, DICKS.