Fantasy Dreams – PJD’s Fantasy Football Week Ten Update

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It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I was rolling. I was sneaking up on unsuspecting fantasy owners who were coyly eyeing their rosters thinking they were going to run it all the way to a championship. I had made like, one, transaction to upgrade my roster, because that’s all I needed to do. MY DRAFT WAS THAT GOOD. But then I realized … I’m a fucking retard, and even shit head teams like Cheeseheads is able to cock slap me on an off day because my team is looking really damn week, and because of that, I am angry at the rest of you in my fantasy league, and now you all get to hear about it.

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Feisty knows my pain:
Oh, Feisty Fingers. She once was considered a GODDESS. A woman among men, willing to put her four inch heeled boot down on the neck of an unsuspecting gardener, a Rose Gardener in fact. But then people started playing her tough. They knew she wasn’t just a pretty face. People saw this Sharon Stone for what she was … A TRAP!

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And I feel much the same. People have figured me out. Believe it or not, Carson Palmer, David Garrard, and Mark Sanchez are not viable quarterbacks. I mean, fantasy quarterbacks. I would totally take any of them on the Vikings squad. Also, Ladainian Tomlinson and Adrian Peterson aren’t as sexy of running backs as they were to start the season. I should have traded them when the getting was good. Yeah, my team sucks, and Cheeseheads firmly showed me they sucked as he dropped 66 points to my 55. I would have beat four other teams only this week, which is pretty week, and definitely not worthy of a top seeded playoff spot. No, that belongs to the dick head that owns Michael Vick, who just went HAM for 34 points in our league. The best part was the trash talk that ensured before Vick took the field this weekend:

  • RokOutWithMyCrocsOut

    November 12, 5:53 am

    It’s going to be tough to pull this one out.

  • Percy’s Pot Dealer

    November 14, 3:05 pm

    well this match looks like it is done…

  • RokOutWithMyCrocsOut

    November 15, 7:00 am

    God damn you Mike Wallace.

  • Percy’s Pot Dealer

    November 15, 9:46 am

    Holy… I didn’t realize Wallace had 2 tds… I might not be out of this. Vick to Jackson a couple times tonight would be awesome.

  • RokOutWithMyCrocsOut

    November 15, 5:50 pm

    FML

Ha ha, you people are funny. Also, Rose Gardeners won again, which should put the fear in some people, like me. My team fucking sucks.

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Percy’s Pot Dealer does not: With Vick tearing up pussies, assholes, and fantasy leagues this past weekend, it helped to vault Percy’s not only to the top of the Labia division on his very own, but also nabbed him the highest points by far AND the first playoff position lock. It’s not a first round bye YET, but it goes to show how thoroughly he’s dominated. I really am expecting him to do more shit talking. And a question, what two teams did you lose to? Did I beat you? Can I at least claim that? Clearly, Crocs and Percy’s are the top two teams, and last week’s match-up was a potential league championship preview. I still have the feeling that some outside team like Ass Virginity, Parole, or Feisty is just going to make some kind of stupid run and win the whole thing though. It’ll be perfect, because Percy’s all on his high horse and won’t see it coming, probably from behind him. Sucker. That’s gay stuff.

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I would drop all of your Vikings players: Favre has a QB rating of like 44.1 or something,  Harvin, and Rice are all non-existant with their infected gash wounds, Shanko disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle this season, and Adrian Peterson is toying with death to escape this squad. I mean, I GUESS I’ll start him every week, because how can you not, but with his awesome two points last week it’ll end up ruining me. RIDE OR DIE, BITCH! And we all know what I’ll be doing. Dying. Like a hobo in a Minnesota winter.

By the way, how awesome were those Bear uniforms? So fucking sexy.

Cumming up: That’s a sexual reference. Week 11 features some solid match-ups. PJD faces off against visanthe, who if he wins may creep closer into playoff contention in the division. Asshole. Another pivotal match up between Crocs and Parole is featured, where Parole may creep back into the playoffs spots too. Cheeseheads all of a sudden finds himself in football relevance again as well, kind of like the Vikings, where if he beats Ass Virginity this week even HE gets back into the swing of things. I never would have thought that possible, like consensual sex in Wisconsin. And in what would normally be a BYE week, Feisty ends up having to face a re-emergent Rose team who’s looking to pound her after an early year loss (I think). Since it’s Rose though, we all know it’ll be a pretty limp fight, amirite gais?!?

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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