We’re back with the third weekly review of PJD’s Fantasy Football League! By this point in the season it’s become abundantly clear who the contenders and pretenders are, like Sophia Vergara’s boobs versus Heidi Montag’s. The contest is over, clearly.
In week three we had two great games, some amazing blow outs, and a suspicious absence from one other team. IS IT A CANADIAN BECAUSE THEY LIFE CFL LULZ????!!! Read on and find out.
Das Results: There were several games that went into Monday Night’s Packer versus Bears limp dick contest dependent on those teams’ players, and the game didn’t disappoint (even though one of those teams had to win in real life). For instance, Wilf’s Stache went into Monday night with a 52 – 50 lead over Cheeseheads. Stache had Knox and Jennings, while Cheeseheads had Finley and Driver. In a cruel twist of fate, the Packer-Backer lost BOTH games Monday night, much to the delight of everyone else in the world. It was a crippling loss as it dropped Cheese to 1-2 on the year … uh, much like the Vikings, I guess. The other face banger was Shiancoe v. Feisty, a winless versus a WINRAR! Before the Monday night game started, Shiancoe had a trepidatious lead on Feisty 34 – 22. The mighty Feisty had Aaron Rodgers going Monday night, but would he be enough to boost her to a continued undefeated season?? … Well, yes. You can see the results right there. Rodgers scored 13 points, dropped Shiancoe, then I’m sure she flexed her vagina and crushed his skull. DON’T MESS WITH FEISTY!! This lady freaks me out, and I’m super glad she’s in the league. The rest of the games happened, notably me whooping up on some poor sucker’s peasant ass again.
Overall Standings: I read a stat somewhere, one time, recently so it’s kind of relevant, but I’m not going to link to it, because why wouldn’t you believe me, and no one clicks the links anyway … but it said that teams that go 0 – 3 in fantasy league starts have like a 9.6% chance of making it to the playoffs. Of course, I didn’t see if that was in an eight team, 10 team, 12 teams, 16 team, or 36 team league, so this random statistic may or may have any type of relevance at all on these standings. What I guess I am trying to say though is that Shiancoe and the Rose Gardeners are FUCKED. YOU ARE SO FUCKED, FOR REAL. On the plus side, whoever it was that was bitching about having the third highest point total must now at least have a win or two. Also, clearly, this league is down to Feisty and myself. It’s like the Patriots and the Colts throughout the 2000′s, or the 49ers and Cowboys throughout the 1990′s. Shit is going to get wild. We’ll have to start making bets.
Speaking of Bets: Mister Rose Gardener himself is the preeminent editor over at The Gally Blog and he and I faced off this week. We made a statement that we would do either an avatar contest on Twitter or we would offer a guest post on each other’s blog. I’m not super sure, but I think he went into hiding or spent an afternoon walking around Edmonton with short shorts, because he just kept Tweeting all day about how ladies were giving him second looks. Unfortunately, it was only because his labia was droopy that day, and because of these distractions we still haven’t figured out who is going to do what for the other person’s blog. Clearly, he owes me something, OWES ME SOMETHING FUCKING HUGE, and I demand my comeuppance. Therefore I demand The Gally Blog either switch their Twitter avatar to the image above, or he write a minimum 500 word post about certain things he loves about the Vikings, which will be posted in next week’s write ups. He’s a Colts fan, by the way, which makes no sense, since he lives on like Queen Victoria Island. Either way, brokincense, I’m calling your tab.
Viking Talent(s) Shine: Believe it or not, Purple Jesus was the biggest point getter for the Vikings this week as he wracked up 160 yards and two touchdowns. That ended up being 19 points in the busket. Harvin finally got his first touchdown of the season as well, and ended up with enough yards to get eight points in my league. Since your not penalized for being a cunt (or for throwing interceptions), Favre remained respectable in the league as well, finally getting a touchdown and enough yards to get SIX whole points! Also, he is an asshole. Other than that, I’m pretty sure no one did anything else of interest. The defense, while pretty awesome in real life, is ranked 27th in fantasy world, because they don’t have anyone who can run back 105 yard interceptions for touchdowns when Shaun Hill lobs them into the endzone. You figure those points will emerge once they play Eli Manning, so don’t drop them yet. If you didn’t get the Steelers or Chiefs Defense though, I’m offering you a mocking middle finger because I was SO smart to pick those two in my leagues.
Will a man beat a woman? Next week is looking to be another big week in fantasy play (bedroom and football) as my wife has Saturday night off from work and we’ll find out if a man will beat a woman finally when PJD goes up against Parole Models. Other games of note include Feisty Fingers trying to keep her underwear streak alive against Cheeseheads, and another blog battle between Gardeners (The Gally Blog) and Ass Virginity (Nonpopulist). Which snarky dick joker will get the best of the other?? And will the loser have to change their avatar again??? THE JOYS OF FANTASY FOOTBALL!!! Sorry, I’d mention the other guys specifically, but we have a lot of cross divisional match-ups that won’t go too far in separating the divisions out. All we care about is whether or not I will win though clearly.
Good luck next week, assholes, and VIVA JESUS MORADO!! ….. I never took Spanish.