Feeling up your Draft Picks 2010: Chris Degeare

With the 2010 NFL Draft officially in the books, it is now time to sit the new fresh meat down and POUND them for info on who the hell you are exactly. Today, we continue with the Vikings first fifth round pick, former Wake Forrest OL Chris Degeare

Name: Chris Degeare. Now, I’m having trouble with this pronunciation. No, not with the “Chris” part, but with his last name. Does anyone know if “Degeare” is supposed to be De-GEAR or is it De-GARE or even something stupid like De-GEARY? He’s probably French, isn’t he? Or at least French-Canadian? Stupid frog eating American hats …

 

Measureables: Welp, I know nothing about this guy. I know Wake Forrest has had a recent renaissance in their football program, but enough to have anyone drafted? I dunno. Let’s see what kids are saying about De-GEARY. At six foot four inches and a svelt 325 pounds, Geary is quite the lady to take home to mom. He may even end up having better bitch tits than Everson Griffen, although Gears boobs are seriously flabby goodness, meaning you could get lost in that fleshy pile for a while. Those, or his enormous neck. Whatever. Despite these sexy curves he did come in as a top offensive line performer in the 40-yard dash, the vertical jump, and the broad jump. Hmmm … he’s beginning to mirror the skill sets of a huge fucking toad.

 

Three smiles: Well, you have to like Gears’ size. His big body is fairly ideal for where he’s being projected at for the Vikings, which is probably right guard. The offensive line was something that the Vikings needed to upgrade in this draft, and while they had potential to do so with high picks in the draft, they for some reason decided to choose Gearsey here as their rookie upgrade. He may be able to be coached by the pros, as he is physically gifted (which can be measured arbitrarily by some quirky combine results) and he does have experience as he did start on the offensive line as a true freshman for Wake Forrest. That’s pretty impressive anyway you slice it, even if it’s a big slice of pie that would satisfy his big fat tum tums. Yes, I just said that.

 

No smiles: Apparently the Vikings like drafting troubled kids in 2010, because Geary-eyes was ruled academically ineligible in 2008 for being a fucking douche (I made the reason up). Rumor around the interwebz somewhere says that his grades were embarrassingly bad and he had to use his readshirt so he didn’t miss a year of eligibility. On top of joining a Vikings rookie class of guys that were suspended or were dick bag college kids, here is what the NFL.com scouting combine posting has to say about Greary:

DeGeare is a physically gifted lineman who has struggled with the mental aspects of the game as well as college. He missed the 2008 season by being academically ineligible and is not aware of twists, stunts and games up front by the defensive linemen. He can be quick out of his stance but often ends up getting behind on blocks because he is late to react to movement. He appears to wear down during the course of most games and may need to loose some weight in order to improve his conditioning.

What a steal! /facepalm.

 

Who be mad? Well, I would normally say Anthony Herrera may be mad, because clearly Chrissy was drafted to be an offensive guard upgrade, and we’re not looking to upgrade Hutch. But come on … This guy isn’t going to push ANYONE for playing time, not even McKinnie. The only person who is going to be upset about this is me, because this kid looks like a shit after eating a KFC deep fried Double Down. Great pick, dicks.

 

We likey? Clearly, no. I’m not sure what other value was available at that pick but how could we not have found someone else to take a flier on? If we were so hell bent on upgrading the offensive line, why not make a run at Faneca who is a clear upgrade over Herrera? Listen, I think Herrera is fine, and we may not even need to upgrade his position immediately (I’m looking at you, midget Sullivan …), but what is this pick going to do for us? Nothing, that’s what. He’s going to make it look like the Vikings only like to draft players that might have a brain injury. Hurray! This draft blows.

 

Seriously, this pick does nothing for me, so here’s a kitten:


PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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