Brett Favre is old. Really old. I mean, Brett Favre is so old, only the Nile River remembers his 20th birthday! :drumroll: … He’s also rickety, and when you put old and rickety together that’s not usually a very good combination. You usually end up with things like foreclosed homes, the Parthenon, or Sharon Stone’s vagina. BOOM ROASTED. Or you end up with things like Brett Favre’s ankle which, apparently after only two preseason games and a total of, what, 10 series, is already an issue for Favre. In the lofty writer Peter King’s most recent Monday Morning Quarterback column, he writes:
After his so-so eight series Saturday night on the hard floor of Mall of America Field …, Favre went into the trainers’ room in the Vikes’ locker room and got an injection of lubricant in the left ankle that has three times been operated on to remove loose bodies. “Like a grease fitting,” he said.
Noted orthopedist Dr. James Andrews did the most recent surgery May 22, with an interested party in the operating theater: Deanna Favre. “They took out a cup full of stuff — bone and all these other loose bodies,” Brett Favre said Saturday night.
A cup full of stuff. Re-read that and consider taking a cup full of stuff out of any place on your own body, let alone your ankle. That’s fucking sick. But that’s not all. Do you want to know what was in that cup that was full of random items from Brett Favre’s ankle? Of course you do. More details then after the jump …
Favre feels better, but not really that good. He explained the arthroscopic procedure that happened in May and what’s happened since. He said Dr. Andrews made two incisions on the top of his left ankle, where the ankle flexes above the foot, and sucked out the loose bodies. He said Dr. Andrews wasn’t surprised a significant spur returned when Favre went for a re-exam a month ago — but he was surprised it happened so fast. The Vikings will attempt to manage the pain the spur brings on, but Favre said he didn’t think he’d take any painkillers stronger than Motrin.
“I asked you this a year ago — Do you think you can last the season?”’ I said to Favre. “And you said you didn’t know. How about now?”
“I don’t know. I have no idea, really,” he answered. “My ankle just seems to get easier to sprain. I know everyone thinks the New Orleans game [the NFC Championship Game] killed me, but it was bad before then. Now we’ll see if I can make it. My mind’s telling me one thing, but my body’s telling me something else.”
I’ve said this all along: This ankle thing’s a little different that the weariness he felt a year ago. There could come a time where his mobility is so compromised that Favre won’t be able to get out of the way of the rush consistently. It wouldn’t surprise me if the ankle knocked him out for a few games this year.
And then Childress stubbornly will throw TarVar to the wolves instead of Sage, who should be the number two quarterback. This season already fucking sucks. But back to the foreign bodies and cup full of stuff. We got that cup, and after dipping our balls in it so we could tell a good story for years, we decided to look at the contents as well. Here is what we found:
- Remnants from a bloody sock
- A high concentration of Xanax powder
- An entire Croc, Packer green in color
- Poorly attempted burned photos of Jenn Sterger in her Playboy shoot
- A couple more interceptions, just for good measure
- A worn copy of the DVD There’s Something About Mary
- A small microchip hologram featuring Brad Childress pleading Favre to play for the Vikings, muttering something about him being their “only hope”
- Love notes from John Madden
- Love notes from Aaron Rodgers
- Deanna Favre’s Glamor Shots. They are fucking HOT.
- Spare keys to his tractor
Believe it or not, that actually fills up a cup. Frightening stuff, but interesting nonetheless. Did you hear of something in his ankle? Toss it in the comments, and let’s hope it sticks around longer than Favre does behind the Vikings offensive line.