Holy $#!? Randy Moss


Every once in a while people get these flash bulb memories where they can recall everything that happened around them during a particular moment. Often times these are life changing events, or collective conscious memories like the man on the moon, the fall of the Berlin Wall, or images of 9-11.

In other cases, it’s the day you heard Randy Moss was traded from the Vikings.




I’m not afraid to say it, but I know I will forever have the image burned into my head of where I was when I heard the first serious rumors that Randy Moss was traded from the Vikings in the spring of 2005. It was my junior year of college and I was living in an awesomely shitty apartment above a Korean restaurant in Saint Paul. Snow was still on the ground, my apartment window faced a fairly busy street in the city, and a soft light always was coming through it. I had been tracking these Moss rumors for days, but couldn’t really believe it. No way you would trade Randy Moss. That shit would be stupid. Yet here I was, rushing home from class because the biggest non-sporting event sporting event that I had ever followed from start to finish where I was desperately invested in the key players just occurred, and I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t even sit down.

Ever since then it’s been a dismal time in Minnesota. Kevin Garnett was traded, and that sucked, but we could all see that one coming. It wasn’t like Moss, whose trade was out of left field, and whose character was so polarizing. Everyone loved Garnett (aside from his wife, who was maybe upset he had that fling with a local cheerleader ….), but there were some people who genuinely hated Moss with the same vitriol that I spew towards Favre, and to this day it still blows my mind. Moss was and is the most awesome athlete I can think of that had invested himself in Minnesota. That’s why I got such a huge erection when Purple Jesus finally re-birthed, because – aside from being like the nicest dude in the entire planet – he had that Moss status that he could bring to Minnesota, and he could be ours.


But Moss was even more. No one had ever embraced him. Not in his trips through the south, not in college, and not in the NFL until the Vikings took a chance with him. He realized that and dedicated himself to Minnesota, and he still does. The closest thing I can think of is Garnett shouting out to ‘Sota on TV after he just won an NBA Championship, which is still really fucking awesome. But Moss has always been Minnesota, whether people liked him or not. I don’t know how, but there’s a lot of fan identity involved with him.

This is all why my pants flushed wet like the blood spill from a head shot when I heard there was legit reason to believe that, even at the age of 33, Randy Moss may be getting his afro traded back to the Vikings to finish out the rest of the 2010 season (and maybe beyond!) with Brett Favre, Percy Harvin, Jalen, Adrian Peterson, Visanthe Shiancoe, Antoine Winfield, Pat Williams, Kevin Williams, Jim Kleinsasser, and sure, even Bryant McKinnie. Get the fuck out of here with that line up. Toss in Sidney Rice if you want to when he gets healthy too. That is fucking ridiculous. And if it actually happens, if Moss ends up being a Minnesota Viking again?……


I’ll end up admitting I’m just as big of a school girl vagina as the rest of you when I pull that jersey out of the closet and wear it again.

Yeah, he means that much. Holy shit, this could happen.


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.