Keep Away from Ndamukong Suh

Ndamukong Suh is a big mammajamma. He’s also a Detroit Lion, which is probably terrible news for Brett Favre, or Tarvaris Jackson, or Joe Webb, or whichever other terribly under performing quarterback genius Brad Childress decides to throw behind center in some hair brained scheme. Suh made his badassness most defined last week when he went on a radio station saying he essentially had a boner over the potentially of killing/sacking Brett Favre. His quote:

“The quarterback that I would most like to sack, not to hurt him by any means but it would mean quite a bit to sack a future Hall of Famer in Brett Favre. Yeah, I would definitely like to sack Favre. That would be a nice notch on my belt, the quarterbacks that I have sacked.”

Another notch in his belt would be the amount of boobs he could squeeze in one of his paws. I bet you it’s close to double digits. Regardless, I’m not so sure that with a monster of a man like this across the line – and only having Jon Cooper between them – that Favre is all that excited about playing again. If I were him, I know I wouldn’t. But that has more to do with me wearing glasses and running a 6.9 40 yard dash. Whatever. After the jump are some more excuses Favre might use to ditch out on this season so he won’t have to die under Ndamukong Suh:

1. “Oh, my ankle never healed well enough for me to do anything else besides press the gas, clutch and brake on my sexy sport cars. Check this out; VRRROOOOOMM!! Yeah …”

2. “Sorry guys, I’m retiring for sure. Or wait … Do the Cardinals play the Lions this year? No? Ok, can you just trade me there maybe?”

3. “I’m done. Let’s be serious. This guy was like two years old when I was a rookie. I can take a hint and quit already.”

4. “So, Brad, did you get that new center and guard I requested this offseason? No? And the rest of the division got better up front? They did? … and you think I’m coming back again? Huh. How about this; go fuck yourself, baldy.”

5. “Honestly, I’m on the fence about playing again this year. How’d the other teams do in the draft and offseason, fellas? … Ndamukong Suh? What kind of crazy name is that? … it means what? ‘House of Spears’? Yeah, I’m not coming back.”

I’m sure you got other suggestions for why Favre will opt for retirement. Put them in the comments.

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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