Monday Morning Mail Dump – Affectionately Called Male Dump

Welcome to another edition of the PJD Mail Dump. We had a handful of good questions this week, so we’ll get to them here. Remember, if you have any questions yourself or want to send along tips, stories, jokes, pictures, Twitter news, call me a baby hitter, or whatever else, email us at purplejesusdiaries@gmail.com. After these reader questions, we’ll pose a question of our own to keep conversation rolling. So let’s get to it, cage match style.

From reader Gideon:

I think Jim Kleinsasser would beat the fucking bile from most everyone on our roster. True?

I certainly wouldn’t argue it, because I am afraid he’d stomp my face it. The real question is who would pose the greatest challenge for him? I view Kleinsausage kind of like the Abomination or the Thing in Marvel comic books. He’s a big, tough guy, but kind of old and probably slow. Like, if he was running from the cops? Oh, he’d be caught. Maybe not arrested, because cops don’t have proper handcuffs for wrists as big as his, but definitely caught. With that in mind, I do think someone like Percy Harvin could give him fits. He’d be like the comic equivalent of Spider-Man. He’s tough, kind of small and feisty, and faster than a Precious in sight of a gelato stand. Now, would Harvin be able to beat Sausage? Of course not. The only thing he’d beat him at is not being the awesomenest, but no one wants to win that game.

This does bring up a great question for this Mail Dump though. If the Vikings were comic book heroes, who would be who? I think the Harvin comparison to Spider-Man is debatable. That might be a better fit for Squid Rice. Maybe Harvin would be like Speedball, who I’m pretty sure died of a drug overdose of some kind. Would be fitting. So what are your votes? More Mail Dump after the jump …

OK, maybe a douche.

Also from Gideon:

Let’s talk a little bit about Brain Robinson. I’ve listened to his Mic’d Up as well as a few other interviews and the guy sounds like the archetypal choad. Is this motherfucker even good? He clearly thinks so. I remember the dude jumping offsides on a crucial punt and fucking some major shit up. Anyway, what the fuck’s his deal?

Well, let’s back up. First, I’m pretty sure it’s Brian Robison, unless the “brain” remark is some kind of joke that’s completely above me, which is entirely possible, I might add. Looking at his stats, no, he hasn’t done much. His rookie season in 2007 was actually his best season, where he notched 20 tackles and 4.5 sacks. He also matched that sack total last year. Assuming that he saw less actual plays on the field than his rookie year, that may mean he’s getting better? Or faced extremely shitty competition this past year? I don’t know. Also, Robison did talk about how you should have sex to keep your prostate healthy during a live chat somewhere online early this year, and I personally appreciate that kind of talk from an athlete. I mean, that’s a very good message to send to kids! Teaching them about health issues is very important. Does that make him sound like a douche ball? Yes. Has he had some plays where he fucked up major? I think so. But so has Antoine Winfield, and I still have a huge pants tent for that guy. Robison’s OK in my book, except for the fact that he went to the University of Texas. Fuck that school in the knee cleave.

From reader Peter, who graciously provided the “male” part of the Mail Dump today:

Will Lito look awesome or old or approximately average as a DB?

I think he will look average. I mean, his stats indicate that he’ll be average. I think I’ve mentioned on here before that I’ve always liked Lito Sheppard for some reason. It probably had to do with madden somehow. But looking at him, he’s only had like two really good seasons throughout his career. These were mostly all as starters as well. I think the thing that we’ll see out of him is that, except for maybe for right away in the season, we don’t need a shit ton out of him in 2010. If he can come in and do some spot duty at CB for Cedric, or come in as the fourth CB, that’d be great. I think if he sees the field he’ll be fine. Here’s the thing though; I’m not even sure he’ll make the team. Assuming everyone’s health, the Vikings already have Winfield, Griffin, Cook, Sapp, Allen, and Sheppard. There’s no way they keep them all, and when you end up cutting someone you have to cut the newest old guy, right? I don’t know what Lito offers on special teams, but if it’s not much, then he’s probably gone. But I don’t think he’s a bad CB, I think it’ll just be a numbers game for him in Minnesota. And if he doesn’t make it? DEATH. By ejaculate squad. Worst way to die. Jest ask Brittany Murphy. EEeeeee  …..

Also from Peter:

Who’s the crappiest team that will defeat the Vikings this year?

There’s not a whole lot of crappy teams on the schedule this year, unfortunately. I don’t think they lose to Buffalo because Buffalo sucks horse dong, and the Giants and the Eagles both give me this feeling that they’ll be as effective as saying “no” is in college in 2010. Both are tough team match ups though. I don’t think either will make the playoffs, but it’ll be because they went 7-9 or something, not 2-14. I could see a second week let down against the Dolphins with Griffin still hurt and no one really available to cover Brandon Marshall, but I really think the Vikings will lose one to the Lions this year, and it won’t be because they’re a crappy team. The Lions have done bidness this offseason and made some #realtalk type moves, and honestly, I would jack off a rabbit at this point to have a franchise QB like Stafford, even though he is a pudgy frat boy. At this point in the NFC North I assume a split with all division opponents, so you can put me down for the Lions. Finally:

When will we see hot pictures of your wife on the site?
As soon as someone else gets the ball rolling on submitting wife/girlfriend/sister/mom/grandma/couch cushion pictures so we can all enjoy them. Until then, I’m watching you all closely, with disgust, over such a request!
Until next time. Keep sending in your questions and answer the comic book question below!
PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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