Obligatory Super Bowl Rant – Die in a Cock Fight, New Orleans

Congratu-fucking-lations New Orleans, you got a Super Bowl. Now shut the fuck up and disappear forever.

There are many things that bother me about those asshats winning a Super Bowl. The main reason of course being that the Vikings should have been there. And if you use 7th grade logic to determine these match ups, also throwing out the window the very real facts that Cedric Griffin had a torn ACL, Favre’s legs looked like a woman’s face who didn’t cook dinner, and the Vikings are still coached by Brad Childress, the Vikings easily would have handled the Colts. The Vikes should have beat the Saints by like two touchdowns, and since the Saints beat the Colts by two touchdowns, that COULD ONLY MEAN that the Vikings would have won by FOUR!! NUMBER FOUR LEADS THE VIKINGS TO A FOUR TOUCHDOWN WIN PROBABLY BY THROWING FOUR TOUCHDOWNS AFTER THEIR FIRST FOUR SUPER BOWLS WERE LOSSES!!! ZOMG!! Of course even if the Vikings would have been in the Super Bowl nothing would have turned out that way, but we can always hate ourselves a little bit more and pretend it would have, right?

It was a tough game to watch because of this. I didn’t want either team to win, really, and I have never been more ready for a season to end. I still have flashbacks to that screen shot right before Favre threw the pick every once in a wild, and while it gets me rather upset to think about it, it’s really just one of those surreal moments that doesn’t break your heart. Yup, there it is again, just like we all knew it would happen. It’s disappointing, not heartbreaking, because the game should have been won. It was won, dammit. And when it finally wasn’t won, everything after that really just seems like horse poop, like it didn’t count, like “where’s my mulligan”, like I’m a douching complaining fan from Boston. I … I almost empathize with them! Kidding.

And in a weird, twisted way, that’s why I don’t give a flying fuck plane about this Saints win. Hey, they beat the shit out of us and they beat a heavily favored Colts team on a neutral field simply by being better. They deserve it. They had a great regular season, a great post season run, and played a hell of a Super Bowl. But ….? Fuck you. Fuck you for making the entire nation think Katrina healing is now done with. Fuck you for thinking that this game means anything to help rebuild a city that is destroyed. Fuck you for thinking this was destiny of some kind. That’s bullshit and everyone knows it. I’m sick of your town, your players, your scrunch faced coach, your unitarded looking uniforms, your fans’ and populations’ lack of a work ethic, your woe is me attitude, your corrupt politicians, your latent and prevalent racism in 2010, undeserving douche bag players like Darren Sharper, Jeremy Shockey, Reggie Bush, Jonathan Vilma, Scott Shanle, and Pierre Allen. In fact, fuck you Pierre Allen for sounding like your from the French Quarter and fuck you for fucking my fantasy football team in the mouth like a beaten mule and only deciding to do anything productive in the playoffs. You suck, and even your mother knows it. I can’t wait until the Vikings play you pricks in 2010. I have a sneaking suspicion that it’ll be the opening game of the season and that even if we have TarVar behind center you are going to get murdered in your Super Dump stadium all over again.

I. Fucking. Hate. You.

Enjoy your Super Bowl, dickheads. Now don’t ever feel like you deserve anything, ever again.

Oh, and Drew Brees is obviously gay.

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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