Packer Fans: As Hilarious as a Cancer Baby don’t know why I’ve been browsing so many Packer websites this week. I mean, yes, it’s Packers Week and certainly they hope to beat the Minnesota Vikings which may simultaneously eliminate us from playoff contention (so I hear), get our head coach fired, and end Brett Favre’s career, but they also want to win this game to keep pace with those feisty Chicago Bears in the division. There’s a lot on the line for them. And for the Vikings too, surprisingly. The Bears and Packers both have difficult schedules coming up, and if the Vikings can beat the Packers, Bills, and Redskins coming up while the Packers lose to the Falcons and some other teams, we may only be one game out of the division with something like five to play.

But that’s neither here nor there, because today we have very important things to discuss about how stupid Packer fans are.

A Packer blog called “Packers Lounge” decided it was a good idea to pull out some good old knee slapping farm jokes about the Minnesota Vikings this week. The highlights include the following:

Q: How many Vikings does it take to win a SuperBowl?

A: Nobody knows!

Q: What does a wreck car and the Vikings have in common?

A: Neither has a title!!

Q. What do you call 53 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?

A. The MN Vikings.

Q. Why doesn’t Iowa have an NFL team?

A. Because Minnesota would want one to!

While these are all well and good, you can tell that they were created by a bunch of Christian do-gooders that secretly masturbate to Sears catalogues when their “wife” goes out to participate in her butch bowling league on Wednesday nights in the podunk middle of nowhere. MILLER HIGH LIFE FOR ALL!!

The Vikings and Vikings fans, however, are not Christian fans, nor do we abide by these rules called “decency”. You know, because we’re Vikings. We rape, kill, maim, finger blast, eat faces, drink excessively, and grow wicked awesome beards. Packer fans get all cute and say “That’s savage and crude!” but then they turn around and fantasize about fucking goats for warmth in a winter ditch, so that says a lot about them.

Anyway, enough is enough. I have come up with some of my own jokes about Packer fans that I think are way more funny. Naturally, feel free to add your own in the comments. Some are original, some are remixes of old favorites, and some may just be observations. Either way they’re more entertaining. 

Q: What does a Wisconsin plated car wreck and a Packers fans’ death have in common?

A: They were both caused by Adrian Peterson driving their slow moving ass off the road.

Q: How many female Packer fans does it take for me to lose an erection.

A: Just one. Really, just the thought of one.

Q: What do you call two tons watching a Packers game?

A: Family night.

Q: Why do domestic abuse calls rise in the state of Wisconsin when the Packers lose?

A: Because Packer fans are horrible, drunken people that while preaching Puritan values are terribly hypocritical and do not know how to treat a woman properly. FACT.

Q: Why did Brett Favre leave Wisconsin?

A: Because he was traded. But also because Deanna Favre was getting oddly more attractive and was tipping the scale of attractiveness in Wisconsin to dangerous levels of +1, because Wisonsin people are uuuggggllllyyyyyyy.

Q: What’s wrong with five Packer fans in a Ford F-150 driving off a cliff and dying?

A: It’s a lie. No way you fit five of those fat fucks in the cab AND the truck bed. NO WAY.

Add your own. Do better, of course, and grow from your hate!


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.