PJD’s 2010 NFL Draft-or-Bust Off: Devin McCourty

Like we did with Mike Iupati and Taylor Mays, it is time to move on to arousing ourselves with the 2010 NFL Draft. Like last year, PJD is going to highlight several draft prospects that the pundits have projected to fall to the Vikings or that the team has expressed interest in. So from now until draft time, keep checking back to get information on your favorite draft picks as PJD breaks new ground (not really) as we start fantasizing over young men who have recently run around in tight shor … Wait, no, nevermind. Today, we look at Rutgers cornerback Devin McCourty …

Name: Devin MCourty

Position: Cornerback, or nickle or dime back who is primarily a practice squad guy if he ends up really sucking.

Known and Unknown Measurables: At five foot ten inches and 193 pounds, Devin is like a miniature battering ram that knocks down doors with nary a thrust because of his innate power. Remind you of anything else? Like maybe a certain blogger’s penis?!? Yeah, me neither. /tear.

Who Does Devin Remind Me Of? Holy shit, it’s like he’s the second half of the Barber brothers reincarnate! I mean, Tiki and Ronde aren’t dead, technically, but Tiki sure does look vacant in the eyes, really zombie-ish. Whatever. The point here is that Devin has a twin brother that played with him at Rutgers and then got drafted by the Titans last year. And like Ronde (the COOL Barber brother), Devin is kind of short for a cornerback. Don’t let the size fool you though! Ronde has been successful in the NFL besides having a retarded brother! Or wait … That had nothing to do with size. You know what I mean though.

A Fake Story About Devin: When Devin and his brother, Jason, were in high school together, Jason was banging out some tight ass broad and Devin was super jealous. See, he got stuck with some hoze beast back in 10th grade who faked she was pregnant to keep him around because she knew Devin was going to make NFL bank in the future. NFL STAAARRR!! Well, whatever. The skirt was a total grenande. So one night when Jason and his girl were hooking up, Jason got up to go to the bathroom before they bumped uglies. In the bathroom, Devin smashed a hair dryer over Jason’s head which knocked him out cold. Devin then went into the bedroom to replace his twin brother with this hot piece of A nary the wiser. Au contraire! She knew right away that it was Devin because of his name tattooed right across his chest and was reluctant to get boned by him. Devin still tried to pretend he was Jason until he just said “Fuck it”, killed the lady and dug her out after. Then, later that night he pile drove on his other lady. Obviously now these two are broken up, but Devin did leave her with a parting gift from those days; a debilitating case of cadaver vagina. So I hear.

Jesus, PJD, shut up and tell me what people are really saying about him: Fine, dick. Here are some quotes I pulled from random pages that make Devin sound better than he probably really is. Here are some of the things I found that Vikings fans should take note of. From Mocking the Draft:

Man coverage: Not the best press coverage cornerback. Knows how to properly read routes, which helps his anticipation. But when he’s up in the air, larger receivers can over-power McCourty. Better at playing off instead of press. Keeps on the hip of receivers.

So he’s small and not very physical. Great! That’s exactly the type of cornerback the Vikings need in a pressure Cover-2! Or totally not at all. But, they also have this to say:

Zone coverage: Much better in zone than man. Shows good awareness and typically keeps the play in front of him. Reads the quarterback really nicely. This allows him to get a jump on the pass.

Well, the Cover-2 is more like a zone than anything, right? And really, I feel like some of our cornerbacks are idiots sometimes (KARL PAYMAH, YOU DICK), so having one that is actually smart would be awesome. But really, I would prefer him to be like, six foot four at least. Fucking midget defensive backfield.

Why the Vikings? Take it away, Capital J (I couldn’t sound gayer rhyming that if I was wearing assless chaps with a smile):

CB will … come down to injuries as Griffin tries to rebound from a torn ACL suffered in OT of the NFCCG. Antoine Winfield, though he was hampered by injuries and had a rough year last season will be back one season after signing a 5 year extension. Benny Sapp re-upped for two more years and gives the Vikings a spot starter and good depth. Asher Allen played well and made some nice plays as a rookie, intercepting a pass and forcing a Ben Roethlisberger fumble. Nonetheless the Vikings are in the mix for a CB, as early as the first round.

Makes sense. I totally forgot Allen made even THAT much of an impact. Sexy.

But Really, Will the Vikings (Or Could They) Actually Draft Him? Yes. This is actually like one of the players that is being talked about as most likely being picked by the Vikes. The always reliable (I’m making this up) Draft Debacled actually has him going to the 49th pick on average, but many have talked about him at 30. Now, it depends on who falls, obviously. With the quarterback shuffle that recently happened, it’s not unthinkable all of a sudden that a QB may fall in this draft., right into the Vikings erect laps. In that case, Devin hits the second round, maybe going to the Lions, where he’d do real well too. However, the Vikings already have a Ronde/Antoine/Frodo wannbe in Asher Allen (remember him? of course not) and so it wouldn’t be a terrible idea to find a corner with some actual size some day.

So while feasible that McCourty gets drafted, I just really don’t think it’ll happen. So let’s boo this man:

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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