This is our little catch all feature on Fridays where we cover all (or none) of the big Vikings news in the past week. Really, this just has to do with the draft, mainly asking, did you just waste four hours of your life to not watch the Viking pick? Yeah. Us too. Here’s what we noticed …
No Clausen pick? Wow. Indeed Vikings fans sat there for four hours watching noted douche bag Jimmy Clausen fall to the bottom of the first round. Could he possibly be a Viking?!? … Well, sure, until the Vikings traded their pick and let the Lions pick someone (more on the Lions later). Son of a bitch. Listen, dicks, just tell me you were going to do this the whole time and let me watch Grey’s Anatomy with my tub of ice cream, ok? What a waste. I am, however, only saying this because I wanted them to pick someone right then so the entire night was worth it. However, at 30 I didn’t really feel there was anyone that we SHOULD have picked, outside of Clausen. Maybe. But really, we just traded back to the Lions’ second round spot, so that means there is the Colts, Saints, and the Rams picking before the Vikings in the second round, and none of THEM are going to take Clausen. So he could still be there. Business wise, I guess it’s fine. But Jesus, the only thing redeeming about this entire “awesome prime time draft night” was watching stupid Denver pick Tim Tebow. And by the way? Thank fucking god.
The Lions win: Holy shit. The Lions team is becoming awesome, and I’m not even joking. Yes, it was a forgone conclusion that Suh was going to end up in Detroit. However, seeing him actually getting picked pretty much solidified how great they may be. Then, they traded back into the first and selected Jahvid Best, the running back out of Cal. Was that probably too early for him? I say yes. But he’s dynamic enough to make that Detroit offense interesting. Listen, people love to rag on the Lions for being cellar dwellers forever, but this team is turning into the tits. Massive, swollen, veiny, pregnant tits that are begging for a milking. I really like what they’re doing, and I’m actually a bit more concerned about them next year and moving forward. Don’t take them lightly, Vikings fans, or they will finger your bum.
Packers pick Bulaga: I think that’s how you spell his name. The ESPN guys were tickling their chodes describing how much Bryan just LOOKS like a Packer and that’s really annoying, although correct, because he is just a fat, white, possibly retarded guy. He’s maybe a good pick. I don’t really know. It’s probably the safest thing they could have done though, without picking some ridiculous DT again. I don’t think it will matter. Everyone still hates the Packers.
The Bears were nowhere to be seen! Nothing really to add to this. I just find it funny. Enjoy your interception machine, dicks!
The rumors beforehand sucked: I’ve never heard so many stupid rumors before an NFL draft, and if you were a person that kept them going then I hope you die in an Icelandic volcano. The Vikings were perusing Haynesworth? Tebow going in the top 15? All this shit was an embarrassment to rumor and I hate you all for it. Shape up, dammit! I’m not putting up with this for the rest of the weekend.
Draft night format! It fucking sucked. One round? Sucked. No picks? Sucked. Thursday night with work tomorrow morning? Sucks. Whoever thought this was a good idea should be FUPA punched. The worst part is that the ratings are going to be outrageously high and unwarranted and they’ll keep doing this shit again next year and into the future. But really? The best part of the draft is getting wasted and watching two minute college film highlights all day on a Saturday. Thursday night? Oh, I’ll cook dinner, do some homework, have the draft on in the background and generally be upset at everything in the world. Fuck you NFL. Fuck you for ruining the one good thing in April. Dicks.
Second round predictions? I seriously will be baffled if they don’t end up with Clausen or McCoy still, especially with it in the second round. The ESPN assholes were saying “Why take a QB and piss off Favre? No way you do that!” Really, cunts? Because Favre doesn’t know he’s 97 years old and is only under contract for one more year and Childress didn’t already say that solidifying the QB position into the future was a clear need? I had to listen to ESPN on mute, I hate those fuckers. And no, I don’t have the NFL Network. Someone buy it for me and I’ll let you watch one night. Promise. Anyway, I’ll call either one of those two QBs or Vladamire Ducasse. Why not. Your call?
Anyway, hope you enjoyed the uneventful draft night filled with blue balls. I know I did, until I released some knuckle children. Enjoy the weekend with teams selecting no name players!