Randy Moss Eats with Rich Raven, you Peasants


“MY GOODNESS. Is this story I have heard correct? Did the dastardly Minnesota Vikings organization DEMAND that my blue blooded compatriot eat peasant meat for his lunch meal? UNACCEPTABLE! Do you farm hands not know how much men of our ilk make in a fiscal year?! It is enough to pay for individual yachts for each of your 18 illegitimate children to finish their voyage from Cuba to this great land! And you feed my peer round of beef?!!

Tenucci, here is a list of items that are acceptable for a lunch menu when serving individuals like Sir Moss and myself, Rich Raven:

- Golden duck foie gras on a caviar encrusted Dodo Bird egg with mussells steamed in in saffron water in a cauldron boiling in a freezer set to absolute zero.

“AND IF THIS IS NOT TO BE ACCOMPLISHED THEN BE GONE WITH YOU! I shall no longer offer you three beans per a days work.

“Earn your keep, buy yourself a hovel not on my property, and know that regardless of how many liquid assets you may acquire in your future they will never be enough to cover the tab for a dinner between Sir Moss and our families.

“Now dispose of your round of beef rubbish immediately and bring me my foreskin wrapped pipe at once.”


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.