Roster Moves: Benny Sapp Reintroduces Self to Vikings Fans

In an attempt to bolster their defensive backfield that has been riddled with injuries and subpar play, the Minnesota Vikings announced another roster move on Tuesday when they agreed to terms with unrestricted free agent Benny Sapp. Calling for a two year deal worth a total of $4.2 Million, Sapp will be back in Minnesota in 2010 competing for a starting spot alongside Antoine Winfield. Facing  criticism in 2009 for his temper and penchant for personal fouls calls, how will Sapp attract Vikings fans to his cause in 2010? We were lucky enough to honestly, no lie, this is totally legit, sit down with him and ask him some questions about the 2010 Minnesota Vikings and his role on the team …

PJD: Hey, Benny, it’s great to finally meet you. We’ve followed your career very closely over the past two years since you’ve been with the Vikings, and it’s with great pleasure that we can say we’ve really noticed you increasing in your role with the team, taking on greater responsibility and seemingly really starting to understand the role of the cornerback in this great Vikings defense. Personally, we all feel that it’s a great move for the Vikings to have brought you back for two more years and are very excited to continue to see you grow in Minnesota.

Benny Sapp: Really? Fuck you, white boy.

PJD: … Uh, what? … I’m sorry, did we say something to offend you or wha …

BS: This is some damn bullshit. Don’t tell me you’re excited to see me come back and play in your honky ass state with your ass backwards old faced quarterback. I know all about you shit cunts. No one wanted me back, not one single one of you fans. You all hated me, straight up.

PJD: Well, Benny, I’m sure you understand that there are always going to be fans that don’t like certain players as much as they maybe do others, but that comes with being a professional athlete, doesn’t it? I mean, there are some people who don’t even like Brett Favre! Could you imagine such a thing?!

BS: Shut up! Of course you couldn’t imagine such a thing because you white. You probably love his honky ass. Favre always running around “gee golly”ing around the facilities, acting all old and like he don’t still love them pain killers anymore. Of course you’d like him. I know why none of ya’ll like me …

PJD: Is it because you frequently made bone headed plays for most of your two years in Minnesota before something potentially, hopefully, maybe, clicked for you and you started to play at an above mentally retarded rate?

BS: Yeah, that’s exactly it. What, you thought I was going to say ‘cause I was black? Damn, that shit is just ignorant. No, I know fans didn’t like me sometimes ‘cause I’d draw penalties. But let me ask you this; what would you rather have? Some hot headed Tasmanian Devil out there on the field shit talking worse than Matt Barnes or some mushy alcoholic partying cock baster like McKinnie out there who makes way fucking more than I do but moves 30 trillion times less than me. I know what I’d say.

PJD: Hmmm … I suppose you do have a point. McKinnie is pretty terrible and there were times where you were the only person out on the defense that showed any emotion. Except sometimes for Cedric Griffin.

BS: Pfff. Ced. His ass is dumb though. What’s he doing letting some asshole shred his knee up on kick off coverage? Come on, man! Kick off coverage? Who are you, Jamarca Sanford? Natalie Du Toit? You don’t be ruining your shit all the time. You play smart. Yell at people. Hit them cheaply so that they know if they try to fuck with you you’ll be coming back with a spiked fucking bat with their back turned, like BLAOW!!!

PJD: That seems highly unnecessary. Regardless, it sounds like with Griffin out and a lack of veterans behind Winfield at the cornerback spot that you’ll likely be starting when the season opens. Are you excited for that, especially with such a high profile team now?

BS: Sure, whatever. I don’t fucking care. I’m just going to continue to play my game, whether that’s nickel back or starter. If I start that just means that I’ll be calling Donald Driver a monkey fucker instead of Jordy Nelson. Makes no difference to me. Except calling out Jordy was fun shit too, because he’s like a little honky bitch out there. Even EJ could cover him right now.

We’d like to thank Benny Sapp for spending this time with us and for not punching us in the face before, during, or after the interview. However, we’re pretty sure he left that shit in our driver’s seat in the car. Dick.

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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