Roster Moves: Frank Walker has Many Friends

The Minnesota Vikings had trouble finding any type of positives Monday night as they lost to the Jets behind an offense that was stymied for most of the game. Perhaps worst of all was the news that cornerback, Cedric Griffin, who had been returning admirably from an ACL tear in his left knee during last season’s NFC Championship game, ended up tearing the ACL in his right knee on a seemingly harmless play in the second half. His injury, coupled with rookie cornerback Chris Cook’s opposite knee meniscus tear, is both unfortunate and damaging to a team that entered 2010 with Super Bowl aspirations.

News was broke on Wednesday, however, that the Vikings had made a quick move to a sign a replacement that, while seasoned, may be versatile enough to step in and help the Vikings out.

Frank Walker?” said Brett Favre, the oldest Viking on the team, when asked about the signing on Wednesday. “Oh sure I know ‘em. I used to have his rookie card back in 1917. He’s still around, that rascal?! This is great news! First Moss, now him. Just a basket full of old guys!”

The Vikings had actually signed Frank Walker, former New York Giants, Green Bay Packers, and Baltimore Ravens defensive back to help bolster their secondary against upcoming pass-happy teams, or at least until Chris Cook returns to full health as well. While Walker was naturally hurt by Favre’s mix-up, he says it happens all the time.

“You should have seen it when I was in New York, surrounded by all those hippy, liberal, urbanites that walked around Greenwich Village and the Upper West Side. They were so confused when Frank Walker, the former Chairman of the Democratic National Committee was drafted by the Giants. They were like, ‘Can this white guy still play? Isn’t he dead yet? It’s kind of bizarre that they latch on to some random white guy but can never remember a simple black dude who played college ball at Tuskegee. Sorry I wasn’t a Crimson Tide alumni, dicks.”

When asked about the confusion, Brad Childress brushed it off as the way of the NFL. “You know, I tell my guys this all the time, it’s all about ‘what have you done for me lately?’ I completely understand where Frank is coming from. Granted, I’m very familiar with what Frank Walker has done, but I don’t think military history is really something a lot of NFL fans casually read when they have the opportunity like I do. Because of that, I’m sure there is some unfamiliarity.”

In the distance, Frank Walker, the football player, could be seen holding his lunch tray at Winter Park’s cafeteria with an annoyed look on his face.

Regardless of the name, the Vikings’ Frank Walker knows all he can do is let his play define him. “What can I do? Have the back of my name plate read ‘Frank Walker, the American football player’? I blame Wikipedia, really. How else would be only become familiar with dead white guys then? History books? All I can do is play my game, maybe make a big play, and then jump into the stands and yell ‘NO, I WAS NEVER A MEMBER OF THE AUSTRALIAN HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES. THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE’ and then spike the ball in their face.

“I mean, I’ll do whatever I have to do.”


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.