The Detroit Lions: Enough to Drive you to Drink … And Drive

In a sadly hilarious – but probably would have not been that funny if he would have killed someone – type turn of events over the weekend, Detroit Lions president Tom Lewand was arrested for SUSPECTED drunken driving. I’m no lawyer or anything, but does this mean that he was originally pulled over because they thought he was schmasties or after he was pulled over for, say, having a blinker out and then thoroughly investigated, they still just couldn’t determine if he was ham boned yet or not? If you actually read the article, they don’t say one way or another. HOWEVA, they do say that he was returning home from a charity golf event, which kind of makes it even more of an eye sore. I mean, more so than the Lions black uniforms. Yeah, it’s that bad.

Surely, this is too bad to hear. But it’s hard not to giggle to yourself when you think that not even the president of the team could keep himself from drinking his sorrows away. And while this news probably is more telling about a deeper seeded alcohol and substance abuse problem (which are ALWAYS hilarious, FAVRE) and most likely not even related to football at all, it’s a lot funnier to think that the sorry state of the Lions caused this man to be arrested. It reminds me of the lady after the jump, who loved her Lions so much that she was willing to be arrested as well. Also, it brings up some great new campaigning slogans for Detroit to use in an effort to bring in new season ticket holders. Those ideas after the jump too …

Detroit Lions New Slogans:

- So bad, you’ll drink yourself to death!

- Providing excuses for domestic abuse since 1929!

- A fledgling franchise for a transitory town!

- Matthew Stafford paid more in taxes than you can make in a year!

- Our auto industry may be down and out but our football team … well, no they’re down and out too.

- Not even the player’s wives will love them!

- Wetting Lions fans pillows with tears for years!

- Please come back, Barry Sanders!

- Hoping they’ll fire bomb Ford Field and kill us all to end the misery!

- At least you don’t live in Wisconsin!

- Well, you do still live in Detroit!

- Eminem attended out games once before only representing the Tigers!

- Lions?! Try the Detroit Pussy Flubbers!

Put your ideas in the comments. Maybe they’ll use one. And finally, here’s that psycho B:

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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