The Hunt Goes On – To Catch a Predator with Chris Hansen

Hello, and thank you for joining me, Chris Hansen, on another episode of “To Catch a Predator – Mississippi Edition”. Today we follow up on one of our most dastardly cases from a year ago, the famed child stalker of Mississippi, the one and only Brett Favre.

While our initial search for the vile creature on the farms of the south produced only wives tales and startled children with bruise marks, we bring this topic back to the front of conversation today because the sick minded Mr. Favre has recently been spotted returning to the scene of the crime at Oak Grove High School in Hattiesburg, manipulating balls with young children and even training other professionals to spook children in his own nasty way. This man is considered to be wild, dangerous, and has large enough hands to palm the skull of a senior football player when trying to drag them back his solitary farm. Be careful when approaching this man, and before doing so, please allow us to indulge you with details on his most recent escapades.

It was only last week when Jeff Mantooth, starting junior quarterback at Oak Grove, came forth with his tale of horror and despicable actions. After a tiring practice, Mantooth was leaving the locker room showers when he approached his locker, only to notice that all of his teammates had already left. He thought this to be curious, as the locker room was bustling with action a mere 10 minutes earlier. Yet now, all was quiet …

It was then that a gravely southern drawl came from the shadows in the corner, saying to Mantooth “You looked good out there, kid, real good.” Appearing slowly from the darkness with a leering grin on his face was the hunted Mr. Favre, twirling the keys to the equipment room that belonged to the Oak Grove coaching staff.

“Oh, hey Mr. Favre” Mantooth said, as he fumbled with his locker, desperate to unlock the door to grab his phone to call 9-1-1 or at least his gym shorts to be able to run out of the locker clothed. “What are you doing here? I thought you had finished up with football?”

Mr. Favre allegedly approached Mantooth, slowly unlocked his locker with a master key on the coaches key chain, and nonchalantly sidled up to the locker next to him. Mantooth fumbled for his clothes while Mr. Favre rubbed his stubbly chin and looked over the quarterback. “Yeah, I thought about quittin’ the game, kid, but … I just couldn’t stay away from it. Something about … the camaraderie with the guys and … you know, sometimes training with you high schools boys. Makes me feel like a kid again. It feels … good.” He finished with a smile.

Mantooth, nodded uncomfortably and quickly grabbed his shorts while slipping then on under his towel. He said Mr. Favre slowly rubbed his chest while offering pointers on ball gripping and how to properly eye a safety (although, in Mantooth’s words, it wasn’t eying in relation to “looking them off … it was something else, weird …”). In a moment of luck, there was a knock on a locker room pipe that made Mr. Favre mumble “Fran?“, and in that moment, Mantooth escaped leaving Mr. Favre cackle in the distance. Mantooth ran straight home, called 9-1-1, and reported his case to us. When the authorities arrived, Mr. Favre was nowhere to be seen.

If you, or anyone you know, has any leads on Mr. Favre, his whereabouts, or his future career decisions, do not hesitate to contact us or coach Brad Childress of the Minnesota Vikings before they offer Tarvaris Jackson a contract extension. As before, he is still considered armed with a rocket canon and a threat to Packer fans’ hearts, young children, and now maternity wards. Also, while he may appear frightening, do not worry about his foot speed. Latest reports indicate he has leg injuries that slow him, but a burning desire for young flesh that can not be satiated.

With your help though, we may be able to catch another predator.

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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