This Was Really Just an Excuse to Photoshop Purple Jesus Speeding in a Toy Car
On what I am assuming was a dark and venomous looking day in Eden Prairie, a clearly drunk-with-power Purple Jesus was ticketed for SPEEDING while on his way to a team meeting at Winter Park. According to the Eden Prairie public information office, Katie Beal, PJ was clocked going 53 in a 35 mile per hour zone. GHASTLY! It makes you wonder, why was he driving so fast, and was it really so he could get TO a meeting, or so that he could GET AWAY from Winter Park? Well, we have some hypothesized answers for you, after the jump.

- Peterson had actually just stabbed Childress in his bald face and was fearful that he had died, so he was driving away from the scene of the crime at a reasonably fast rate to try and not be pinned with the potential murder.

- He was frightened from Winter Park after Brett Favre left the shower area without a towel.

- He was speeding to Tinnuci’s to pick up the lunch order and return in time before Phil Loadholt ate another wide receiver leg.

- He was just cruising for chicks over by Rasmussen College. What’s the big deal?

- He didn’t know he was going so fast because it wasn’t actually his foot on the gas pedal. Or that foot …

- Zygi made a bet with Peterson that if he could make it from Eden Prairie to the 22nd Street Station in North East Minneapolis in lunch hour traffic in under 22 minutes that he would fire Childress. Peterson was so close, except for that damn cop …

- Much like the fan base, Peterson was just trying to end it all.

Did you hear soomething different of why Peterson was speeding perhaps? Drop them in the comments.


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.