Zero Insight with Sid Hartman – Did you Know Randy Moss Doesn’t Practice Hard?

Occasionally, PJD likes to check in with geriatric columnist Sid Hartman to see what secular insight the elder architect has included in his daily column. Most likely it is full of piss and vinegar, like the old man himself, but occasionally Purple Jesus comes across nuggets of blank wisdom like this special retardery …

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Apparently, when Brad Childress and the Vikings put Randy Moss on waivers, they had reasons other than his blast of the Vikings organization and his praise for the Patriots and coach Bill Belichick in his self-interview tirade after Sunday’s game.

Blast of the Vikings organization? If you have your Hospice nurse read you the entire transcript from his interview after the Patriots game, Old Windbag, you’d see Moss didn’t say anything about the Vikings directly. That’s hardly blasting the Vikings organization, outside of him pantomiming giving the shocker to Childress’ wife with his tongue out and when he said “I’d finger bang her cootch to oblivion!” That is basting.

 

 

In speaking to some players, they claimed that Moss didn’t go all out in practice and in games. Like he was quoted when he previously was with the Vikings, “I play when I want to play.”

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Holy shit, Sid, this is breaking news. Randy wasn’t practicing hard??!! FUCKING CUT HIM. RIGHT NOW. AND FAVRE TOO. HE DIDN’T SHOW UP TO TRAINING CAMP.

While Childress hasn’t mentioned those reasons, the word at Winter Park was that the coach was pretty irritated that Moss didn’t work hard in practice and sometimes in games while also being a bad influence in the locker room.

A bad influence because he was teaching Percy Harvin the finer details of route running, using your body to block defenders, and how to track the ball in the air. Oh, and how to roll a totally fat blunt!!! *pass the dutchie motha fucka!*

The Vikings were 1-3 with Moss, an indication that he didn’t contribute enough to turn those games around. But Moss, who was double-teamed most of the time, might have been part of the reason why Percy Harvin had 19 catches for 287 yards and two receiving touchdowns in those four games.

Might have been? … No, I doubt it. I bet it was just a funny little coincidence. I think you’re right, Moss didn’t contribute for SHIT. Greg Camarillo can do what Moss was doing. Let’s dump this Moss fucker.

I have been a big booster of Childress and believe he has done a great job, as indicated by his records of 8-8, 10-6 and 12-4 in the previous three seasons.

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Did you know that Mike Tice went 9-7 with essentially the same team, if not worse, than what Childress had in his first year? Oh, you conveniently skipped Childress’ first year? Yeah, he went a boner inducing 6-10. WHAT A GREAT OFFENSIVE MIND. Lousy fucker.

The Vikings made the playoffs the past two seasons and were one game from the Super Bowl when the team lost to New Orleans last year. But this has been a tough season for the 2-5 team, with injuries to key players having something to do with some of the defeats.

So injuries to Sidney Rice and Cedric Griffin are the reasons we can use to explain the 2-5 record? Because there are literally no other key players lost to injury, unless you count Jan’s recent unpublicized castration, Brett Favre’s infinite bout with Down Syndrome, n suffering from permanent dickface affliction, and Steve Hutchinson being as old as your great grandson. KEY FUCKING INJURIES PEOPLE.

However, some websites, which have been very unreliable of late,

YOU BETTER NOT BE CALLING ME OUT HERE ASSHOLE.

are predicting that Childress might be fired, and not just because of his poor record this year. More importantly, they say, was how he handled the Moss situation,

One legitimate reason.

that he didn’t talk to owner Zygi Wilf before the decision to waive Moss,

Another legitimate reason.

thus wasting a third-round draft choice

ANOTHER legitimate reason.

and putting the team responsible for the balance of Moss’ $3.388 million salary if nobody were to pick him up. Luckily, the Titans did pick Moss up on waivers, so the Vikings are off the hook.

So he shouldn’t be fired because the Titans saved his ass. Gotcha.

Childress said he did talk to Wilf, but he didn’t say whether it was before or after Moss was put on waivers.

/Brad walking down halls of Winter Park

Brad: “Hey Zygi, how are you?”

Zygi: “Good Brad, thanks.”

(Later) “Yeah, Zygi and I talked briefly yesterday. I’m not going to get into details, though. We keep those things internal.”

No doubt Childress was so determined to get rid of Moss and the problems he was causing that he was convinced if he called Wilf, the Vikings owner would talk him out of it.

With good reason, because Moss is fucking awesome, Childress is a rain forest of a vagina bush, and Zygi knows how badly he needs a stadium, good PR, an energetic fan base, and how hard he’s worked to get Moss back in purple. Super duper awesome of Childress just to toss all that right out the window because his pride got punched in the asshole.

An indication of how badly that Childress wanted to get rid of the bad influence on the team is that he told the players he was going to get rid of Moss even if it cost him his job.

I just fucking LOVE a man who will stand by his convictions!

 

Some in the media are predicting that Childress will be fired as soon as Sunday if he loses the Arizona game.

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Regardless how upset Zygi and Mark Wilf are about the Moss situation, I can’t believe they would even consider getting rid of Childress at this stage of the season.

Because, gosh darn it, at 2-6 your chances of doing anything positive with the season are still pretty legit, people!

Zygi Wilf will watch practice today. Once Wilf and Childress get a chance to sit down and talk, Wilf will understand why Childress felt that Moss’ bad influence on the team would kill any chances of making the playoffs.

Because, again, without him the sky is looking to be the limit now. Nine game winning streaks, everyone gets their teeth whitened and comes off the field with award winning smiles and clean criminal records now that Randy is gone!

And, if the team starts winning, everything will be OK. After all, this is the same coach who brought the team one game from the Super Bowl a year ago.

And the same coach who let 12 men get on the field. And cut Marcus Robinson as a Christmas present. And wouldn’t let Troy Williamson go to his grandma’s funeral. And agreed to hire Fran Foley. And has a pedophile mustache. So you make the call on this one Sid.

Fucking idiots.

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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