When Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez appeared on the cover of GQ magazine, posed for a fashion spread inside and gave an interview in which he was referred to as “the rock-starriest New York quarterback in decades,” people knew he’d take some grief. By grief, we of course mean kisses on the neck from teammates Plaxico Burress (he was in jail, you know) and foot massages from Rex Ryan.
As it turns out, Sanchez isn’t just taking “grief” in the Jets’ locker room. He’s also hearing it from other NFL quarterbacks who say they wouldn’t dare become offseason fashion models, unless they were asked very, very nicely.
Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers was shown a copy of the Sanchez GQ during an interview with ESPN Milwaukee, and he didn’t try to conceal his contempt.
“Look at this,” Rodgers said. “That’s just … that’s just embarrassing how arousing that is. Page 94 of the GQ thing here, thing. Whatever this thing is that I can’t take my eyes off … That’s terrible. It should at least be like page 32 or something.”
Page 94 of GQ features the photo you see here, with Sanchez posing in white pants and a black tank top. Rodgers doesn’t think that’s a good look. He’s right.
“No, just look at it. The jacket is all wrong. Black and white, skin tight, sexy looking tank top with a brown fur jacket? What a faux pas. He needs to switch it up, maybe take that tank top off, slowly, sensually, while he winks at my reflection in the mirror, nervously watching from beyond the door ajar in the hallway. He’d pretend like he’s not there, but know it’s me with the wink. Then he could take that black … THING … off and put on a striking blue and white naval tank, one that would more appropriately fit the style and color combination. Yeah, that would be real nice …”
In any event, Rodgers says he has no interest in posing for magazine covers or otherwise seeking publicity, unless of course the right opportunity comes along.
“It’s just not really my style, doing these GQ things. Somehow, it’s actually too straight,” Rodgers said. “I like my anonymity, I like my privacy. I like being able to be the quarterback during the week and, in the offseason, just being able to spend time with my male roommate in Green Bay without people asking questions like, ‘Why can’t that millionaire athlete afford a home by himself in this place of very lost cost of living?’ It’s really just a companionship thing, OK? And in this tough economy, everyone needs to save a penny, even me.”
That approach has worked pretty well for Rodgers, as it has led to a Super Bowl win and many advances from various men.
“Oh sure, I get that a lot. ‘Boy, that Aaron Rodgers must be gay, he must know really how to cup some balls and tickle a prostate during fellatio.’ But come on … no one’s ever seen Red Tube or anything? I mean, you almost CAN’T accidentally watch some gay porn now and then, you know what I mean?!”
“Anyway, yeah, I’d totally do Sanchez. Just not with that shirt on.”
PS: It’s satire! He didn’t actually say most of this!