Chris Kluwe Thinks Peyton Manning’s a Douchebag

Two Chris Kluwe articles in one week? What did he do, finally beat World of Warcraft? NO! ONLY JUST THE MOST BADASS COCK PUNCHING EVER:

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BOOM! ROASTED! And you know what, he’s right.

Let’s preface this a little bit. Do you remember last weekend when you were sweating your pubes off and you heard that ESPN was so confident that a new NFL/NFLPA deal for the CBA (SO MANY ACRONYMS!) was close that they told employees to be ready by noon on a Caturday no less to break the story? Well, it never happened. We all got wrongly excited by the richest, greediest fat cats fighting over blind mice. Or something. I keep forgetting about this, but the entire reason we got to this point with the CBA negotiations was because Tom Brady and other white collar NFL players filed a lawsuit against the NFL, which allowed the NFLPA to go to court and get lawyers like Franklin & Bash (Side note, they should have hired Rizzoli and Isles instead). Now that a new deal is almost reached between players and owners, we’re all of a sudden reminded that those clean finger nailed penis-noses still want their cases heard. People like Peyton Manning don’t want to be restricted by a franchise tag, man, and Vincent Jackson wants his freedom from slavery or $10 Million, bro, NO LESS!

Sounds absolutely retarded, right?

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This bickering between, like, seven players for millions of dollars is the exact reason the owners wanted to tell the players to choke on a cucumber. And while the NFL players aren’t compensated as outrageously as the NBA players are (let’s not even start on those fart noises …), there is still a larger discrepancy between NFL veterans (particularly veterans who don’t deserve their salary, MADIEU WILLIAMS) and rookies and younger players. But Manning, Jackson, Logan Mankins and Tom Brady won’t have any of that. The rules, now or former, don’t apply to them, just to those other poor players! Even though, you know, these guys were franchised legally under the previous CBA which had a clear date of expiration. RAGE!

As you can guess, this discussion of bag douches started by our very own Kluwe has left the internet in arms. You have the voice of the … fans? … drunks? … over at With Leather who applaud and agree with Kluwe while crazy ass meat heads who work for ESPN like Skip Bayless agree with the people who have money. Then there’s SB Nation Minnesota, the site that is unimpressively toeing the line between both sides, who couldn’t even write douchebag in their article. HOW DIFFERENT WE ARE!

Whichever way you slice it, Kluwe is right. This lockout started with greed (on the owners part largely) and now ends with greed. If there ends up being any more of a delay because millionaires aren’t happy with their golden toilets, there’s goign to be a lot of angry upper-middleclass practice squad players that will be salivating at the mouth to bury Manning’s knee cap into his spine. Somehow. Science will figure it out. And I won’t feel sorry for him at all.

In fact, I’ll probably smugly laugh as he has to retire and wish that he would have fought for more retired NFL player benefits. SWEET JUSTICE!

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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