Feeling Up Your Draft Picks (Quickly) 2011: DeMarcus Love

The NFL Draft feels like it was centuries ago, but the Vikings ended up taking 37 players in rounds later than five, and, well, with this stupid lock-out in place and nothing better to talk about, we’re going to spend some days continuing to talk about three year practice squad type guys. HOWEVER, that’s what we thought Chris DeGeare would be last year, and look at him! I think he even started an NFL game in 2010! God we suck. Anyway, we’re giving you a quick hitter now on the first of FOUR sixth round picks in 2011 by the Vikings, offensive tackle DeMarcus Love:

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Name: DeMarcus Love, offensive tackle out of Arkansas. Probably snorted coke off of a hooker’s nipple with MC Mallett, or at the very least, learned how to ride women like a razorback, as in the mascot. Love was originally born in Texas and then went to school in Arkansas, which makes him woefully unprepared for modern conveniences of the North, like flushing toilets, racial equality, and contraceptives. Here’s hoping he adjusts well.

Potential Nicknames: DeMarLo, The Love Connection, DeMarcus Loves Pancakes, The Love Man, Not Kevin Love and whatever else you leave in the comments.

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No One Knows Anything About You: Don’t be a liar, you didn’t know anything about Love when he was drafted and by now you’ve already completely forgotten that the Vikings called his name. No worries, your mom feels that way about you too. Truth be told, however, Love projects as a nice little project for the Vikings. He spent three years at Arkansas (after redshirting his first year, so … really only played two) and played all over the line. Under Brad Childress, the Vikings liked to accumulate versatile linemen that they could plug into more holes than Paris Hilton has experimented with. Whether or not that practice will continue under Big Leslie is another matter altogether, but in theory it makes sense. That way, you can hold less places on the roster for fat guys and get guys out on the field that actually do things which are important, like score and look cool.

Love does sound like he could be a decent run-blocker, which is something this team desperately needs when you only have the most impressive running back (nay, physical being on Earth) in your backfield, and of course I’m not talking about that fetus head Toby Gerhart. What he has in a mean streak in run blocking, he lacks in athleticism, however, and many people expect him to be slower at the tackle positions in the NFL against legit speed rushers than a shit coming out when you got hemorrhoids. Can he learn to be fast? … I don’t think that’s how it works. However, enough people were high on Love before and after the draft, outside of the Vikings organization, that finding him in the sixth round seems pretty cool, dude.

Loftiest Goals: The best case scenario is that he learns how to be an NFL starter and replaces the Human Turnstile at left tackle, Bryant McKinnie, in like a year. That, however, is completely unrealistic. A more reasonable scenario is that he proves not to be a complete moron and false starts on every snap. If he can not do that, he’s a guaranteed shoe-in to replace Ryan Cook and his all-linemen role on the team. Thank god.

Random Picture: That’s all I got.

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PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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