Here’s One Molester I’d Welcome Back

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A long time ago, when dreams of Super Bowls were still relevant and Packer fans were still thinking the best their life could get would be with two goats at once, former Vikings running back Chester “The Molester” Taylor signed with the Chicago Bears as a free agent. Months later when he was asked why he made this decision, he offered one of the better quotes I’ve ever heard:

“The money, first and foremost.”

Well. No confusion there. And that’s probably fair, because he wasn’t going to make bank as a Moe Williams behind Purple Jesus for the rest of his career. However, once The Molester left and the Vikings only had a white running back with a fat head to turn to, I had kind of wished we would have offered him a little bit more pocket change, largely because our third down backs sucked, our pass protection was shot, and I fucking hate Toby Gerhart I think.

Well, now we may have that chance, because reports surfaced Monday that Chester may be cut by the Bears after one season:

“One source told CSNChicago.com that Chester Taylor would be cut after his one disappointing year at huge money, and at 32, Taylor’s arrow is definitely not pointing up. But the team has paid him already and is not under money pressure at the position because Forte and Taylor combined are far below elite money.”

So, Forte had a decent year. He had 1,000 yards rushing and six touchdowns on the ground, as well as over 500 hundred receiving with three more TDs there. Taylor also had the lowest output in terms of average per rush and total yards since his rookie year. And at 32, he’s not spring chicken if you know what I mean! However, let’s also remind ourselves that the Bears are fucking terrible, and despite the fact that they Autism’d their way into the Championship game this year, it was the dirtiest way to get there ever. That team was horrible, and it wasn’t Chester’s fault.

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The Vikings go into next season with Purple Jesus as the established number one guy, and then have Toby Retard behind him with Albert Young coming off IR, Lorenzo Booker getting a look, and some other wastes of space on the roster. The Green Bay Packers also just proved that as long as you have a hot shot quarterback who may be a closeted homosexual, you don’t really need much of a running game or a star running back to win a Super Bowl. The Vikings, however, has a baby deer at QB in Joe Webb, and that’s it. I would guess we’d need to protect either him or whatever rookie we throw to the shit pile next season. Being able to protect him when McKinnie decides to produce a fat beat, yo, instead of blocking may be helpful, and Taylor can definitely do that.

Running back is clearly low on the priority list for the Vikings this offseason, but if the price was right I’d let that Molester walk right through my doors, if you know what I mean. Also, you could pull your Taylor jersey’s out of storage, which would be nice and everything.

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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