Minnesota Says “Build Us Our Stadium, Wisconsin!”

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In not so many words, of course, but hold on guys and guy-dettes (that’s a word, right?) I think we’ve found our solution to the stadium problem!

Minnesota officials said Thursday they were losing patience because Wisconsin still had not paid the $58.7 million it owes from an old tax-reciprocity agreement.

Under the agreement, taxpayers who lived in one state but worked in the other were allowed to file a single income-tax return. The agreement called for the states to reimburse each other, but Wisconsin always ended up owing Minnesota because more Wisconsin residents used the arrangement.

You smelly bastards, give us our money!

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OK, $58.7 million would actually only pay for about one quarter mile lane of highway revamping that is needed along 35E, but it doesn’t bother me. If the money actually comes out of Wisconsin pockets then we win, like, three times over AT LEAST! I say three times because that’s about as high as I can count, but let’s break it down for ya:

- It’s a confidence booster. We all KNOW that more people travel from Wisconsin to Minnesota for work, but it’s nice to have it formally acknowledged. What it really is saying is that all the jobs in Wisconsin are at the Taco Johns, Rainbow Foods, and crab-grass golf courses. Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be working at any of those locations, thank you. Between Minneapolis, Saint Paul, Duluth, Rochester, Red Wing, and I don’t even know where else, I’d say we probably have La Crosse and … Hudson? … beat out fair and square in the contest of seeing what city is a bigger bawss.

- We steal money from their pockets! OK, sure, maybe “steal” is the inappropriate term to use. What we’re asking for is money that was agreed upon in a legally binding agreement that they signed with pleasure. You knew the rules going into this ponzi scheme, dudes, now we’re looking for our comeuppance. Is their state in debt? Probably! Do I care? Not really! It may just mean that soon I can buy lake front property in Wisconsin some day when I want to go on vacation and leave beer cans in their natural habitats. Suckers!

- Every penny we take from Wisconsin residents increases the chance that we take money away from the Green Bay Packers organization. Think about it! They love to claim that something like 95% of the state’s population owns property in the team, and for the other 5% it means that they can’t spend their minimum wage on tickets, jerseys, laminated photos of Aaron Rodgers and more. The state is going to have to get the money somehow from the people, and you can bet your ass that it’ll be in taxes. Lousy government!

- We’ll be $58.7 million dollars closer to a stadium! Which also means that we won’t have to hear about how the Vikings are trying to move to LA because they can’t get a stadium built, which ALSO kind of means that Wisconsin residents would be partially responsible for paying to keep their rivals around as a thorn in their side. Sweet justice!

I would shake my head vigorously with a large smirk on my face if this were to happen. Unfortunately, it seems more like a desperate ploy from moron politicians who can’t figure out how to balance a budget. DUH, FIRE ALL THE TEACHERS, YO! But whatever, I’ll take what I can get as long as we’re one step closer to a stadium.

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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