I realized right after I typed this titled that I sound like Extreme Makeover which makes me want to give myself a cock-punch.
In this edition of Purple People Apparel, we throw you a hail mary (football reference!) and bring to you not clothing from creepy ass Vikings fans, but an entire damn HOUSE. And it all started with the simple picture you see above ReTweeted from Brian Robison’s Twitter account with the message “Hope I can live up to those names around me.”
Yeah, there’s plenty wrong with that to start.
First, hey, nothing against my now favorite white guy on the team, but Brian Robison isn’t exactly in the same class as someone like John Randle. That’s not to say he’s a bad player, at all, but … come on. Here’s a fence, painted purple mind you, with the names Randle and Jim Finks on it, and throughout the entire Vikings history of names you could have added to your fence you add … Brian Robison? Over #69? And Kevin Williams? And Chris Hovan for that matter? What the hell is going on? [Edit: Upon further research of his photos, the guy has more names all over the place. Still, seems weird having Robison next to Randle, right?)
Well, the fence is just the tip of the iceberg. Once you see the rest of this house that apparently belongs to a guy named Diggz19(yearoldz?IsureDo!) on Twitter, you kind of understand:
……………………………… ……….. …. ……………….. That shit is wild.
To be fair, I can in no way consider myself to be that big of a Vikings fan. I mean, clearly. I own maybe four of five jerseys mostly on accident. I don’t really have anything in my house that’s even purple. So kudos to this guy for being a big enough fan to go out and get this all done at his house … I guess? I couldn’t, largely because my wife would kick my testicles into my throat and largely because I have other sports passions that take precedent over the Vikings. Do I want a man cave tastefully decorated in my most serious sports teams gear? YOU BET YOUR ASS I DO. With a pool table and a wet bar. Yeeeaaaaahhh …
But … like what do you do during the offseason? Or during a 6-10 year when the team sucks donkey farts? You have to go home after an ass whooping and park your car next to your purple house and be happy? I can only think of the times when I’ve watched the Vikings get fisted in their belly button and the LAST thing I want is to have any type of association with those dicks. There is no WAY I could go home to a house like that and be cool with it. I’d burn the shit down after a loss, then I’d be pissed because my team sucks AND I don’t have a house to sleep in anymore. Terrible scenario.
But, hey, at least he owns a house. The uniqueness of it all has to really help the resale value, I would imagine. Right? AND! You just know this guy throws a hell of a party.