I’ve watched this GIF about 37 times in a row now and I love it more every time. There’s something about this moment in Vikings history that sums the entire franchise up perfectly. And look at the score! The Vikings were only down two touchdowns at that moment! They were totally going to come storming back, Big Leslie! Don’t be so down on yourself, bro! Man … What could have been.
Well, no, the team still sucks, we all know how that game ended Sunday, and Big Leslie was right on the money. Poor bastard. I don’t think he signed up for this. Well, he clearly signed up for tons of money which he gets as a head coach, but when I say “this” I mean having to start Toby Gerhart for several games, a rookie quarterback, messing with Donovan McNabb going 2-11 and shitting all over your own chest somehow. Really, that’s just an amazing feat, and is something I would expect from the 2011 Vikings. So, nice work fellas. And thanks to Twitter user @Qommie for pitching in and helping out with the GIF. Much appreciated.
Now, let’s get on to the rest of YOU pooping all over yourself as the Vikings were embarrassed, came back to almost win, and then played the game in the most Vikings way possible. Enjoyable? You bet!
We begin with some great insider, atmospheric knowledge from a guy that was actually at the game “reporting” in @StribDW (the “DW” probably stands for “DON’T WANT”):
Well, there’s you’re problem. Ponder just wanted the Lions to get with his friends so bad so they could all be lovers. That’s kind of a Spice Girls song, right? Just kidding, I know it is. True story: If you go back and listen to that song these days, it’s not actually as horrible as I remember it. I think there was an actual chorus, or “hook” in the song, people legitimately singing, and some idiom of talent in that group, despite it all being for show. The problem is that now you can put it in comparison to the shit music that is being put out now and you’re like, “WHOA! THIS CRAP MUSIC IS AMAZING!” Or at least less crappy, kind of like the 2010 Vikings in comparison to the 2011 Vikings. *fart noise* I hope this post already.
Next up is @TheOldLogo, clearly a Timberwolves fan, but also someone who was able to put this game – and the entire season – in perspective:
I really should have done that too, except I would have gone to Assassin’s Creed: Revelations. 30 minutes of play time there would have been a bajillion times more rewarding than three hours of Vikings cock punching. For you guys that play Madden still, is it worth it to play as the Vikings still? My impression is that they keep updating the rosters to make the computer teams seem more like the real life teams. And why the hell would you want to play with the real team? I want to play with the team the Vikings were on paper before the season started. That team was AWESOME.
Another person who was basking in the crapulence was @FrothyGopher, who I’m guessing likes to drink a lot, and who I’m also guessing likes to inflict pain upon himself in multiple ways; by being a fan of Minnesota sports and by listening to Paul Allen call the game:
Ugh. I can only imagine how insufferable he is on the radio this year. Is anyone listening? Has Greg Coleman started weeping openly during an interview yet? Man, KFAN done CHANGED since they went to the FM dial, son!
After we continued to watch Christian Ponder play like a young Tarvaris Jackson for most of the game, follower @davikes chimed in with the Vikings motto for the day:
How true. Really, it was in our best interest. The more we gave to the Lions, the better our chances of losing were! Obviously. Think about that; without Ponder’s three interceptions, the Vikings could have won by at least a touchdown, if not more! How crazy is that? 21 points off of his freshman mistakes. The only conclusion I can come to is that Ponder is actually smarter than all of us could ever imagine. He’s like a football wizard who has been balancing the act of performing just well enough to give us confidence for next year while still losing games so the team can draft him a one-of-a-kind weapon in Blackmon. BRILLIANT.
Looking more closely at the final Ponder-ception, @VikingAgeDan had this insight into the play:
How true. It was a classic across your body, flailing your limbs, go for the interceptions when you just need to move the chains a short distance to get into field goal range so you can go to THE SUPER BOWL AND LIKELY WIN YOU COCK SHOOTING SON OF A BITCH God I hate Brett Favre. I hope this doesn’t continue for Ponder, otherwise I’ll learn to hate his ass too.
After the team decided to put an end to that Ponder nonsense for the day, fans got to watch Joe Spider-Webb come into the game and just run an average type of touchdown, 77 yards down the sidelines. @C3_H8 provided a little perspective on Webb after I offered my own scholarly opinion:
Pfft. If he was a black Tim Tebow he’d be praising more Kwanzaa and less jumping ridiculously high over gym mats. But what do I know. I pray to a football god, and we all know it. I would venture that both Tebow and Webb probably throw just as accurately as each other, that being pretty poorly. Did you see some of Webb’s throws? It looked like he had McNabb in his ear a little too much on those sidelines. It’s like he was playing Whack-a-Mole with the football. At least Ponder allows his receivers who have hands on their arms and not on their feet an opportunity to catch the pass.
Finally, @SouhanStrib wraps the game up for us in a tidy little bow by dropping some knowledge on your “I wish we would have won” nerds:
That’s right Joe, M-V-P, M-V-P! What a boss.
To bring this post to an end, we look at this week’s “ReTweet of the Game” which is a feature where I highlight the most retweeted comment that I left during the game and the rest of you marvel at my wit and humor. Seems pretty easy, yes? This week’s ReTweet comes thanks to the pity shown me from @BW4MN, @GenuineMillar28, and @S_LYNGSTAD when played a little game of truth or dare:
Me? I’d take the sandpaper. I had someone ask me what grade of sandpaper I was referencing, but come on. Does it really matter? Of course not. Beat that thing raw. It’ll hurt less than watching this team.
Anyway, more great stuff, people! Keep up the disappointment and frustration. It helps me get through this season. In the mean time, make sure to follow us on Twitter, check us out on Facebook, and leave comments wherever you can. We need to join together here and have some strength in numbers as we head towards the highly coveted 2-14! #BLOW4BLACKMON! #BLOW4BLACKMON! LET’S DO THIS!!