Do I know how to write a catchy post title, or what??
We had a perfectly good Saturday night of drunken debauchery ahead of us with the potential for a long day of drinking and hilarious live-Tweets directly from the game, and you smush burgers went dead on me. What, you have better things to do on a Saturday night? Like wear your Sperry’s out to a boat party and bang some co-ed over the railing which cat fish jump for her worm-like National Geographic nipples from the water? I doubt it. You know you were sitting at home, watching the Vikings, drinking shit PBR in your tight hipster pants and thick rimmed glasses which don’t even carry a prescription, scoffing as a certain receiver caught a 50-yard touchdown bomb. “Pfft, I hated him before it was cool to do it.” Whatever, jack off. BE MORE FUNNY FOR MY AMUSEMENT NEXT TIME!
Regardless, some people, like oddly enough SaveTheVikes.Org, were making snide comments throughout the evening which helped the time pass. So let’s get to it.
Does anyone remember this? Seriously? I do not. I know there was some Cord Parks running around in training camp this year, but … really? Is he … a cornerback? Was he that guy that returned the kick kind of OK for a DII college player? A running back? I literally am grasping at straws here, and wonder what that must feel like for him. He just played in an NFL game (preseason, but whatever. What have you done with your life?) and people have no idea who he is, or if they do, they want him cut. Not worth the $250,000 he probably made in three weeks, if you ask me. (Just kidding, I’d suck off a golf team for that money).
Next we have notch17 (who has just a lovely Twitter background) with:
I can’t really argue with this. I also think putting Joe Webb at quarterback would be retarded, too, but NOT putting him at quarterback may be … retarded …er … If you get me. Again; Joe Webb has yet to throw an NFL touchdown. None. Think about that. He did against the Eagles but then it was taken away by a bullshit call. Three interceptions last year, zero passing touchdowns. Ran one in, or two. Whatever. He’s a running back then? I guess it doesn’t matter, at this point. The significant item will be whether or not Musgrave ends up using him. If he does, he’s clearly a genius who should be crowned with olive branches and boobs. If not, he’s just as bad as Childress, and holy shit that is terrible.
Next is from … KFAN1003? … Oh yeah, they switched their name. I hadn’t heard FROM EVERYONE:
Well, it’s nice to see that some of our players already have a sense of humor about the season. As an aside, I hadn’t bothered to listen to KFAN since they switched over to FM radio, but I did yesterday morning and I heard two commercials talking about dick growing pills and fat losing ponzi schemes and then I remembered why that radio station is worthless.
Finally, from DarrenWolfson was this timely tweet (alliteration!):
Haha, it’s funny because no one likes Madieu Williams. Wait though … did he really get resigned by someone or was that a mistake? Shit … now I’m confused.
Finally, this week’s “ReTweet of the Game” sucks as well, since I apparently wasn’t very funny either. However, as author and editor, I get to just blame it on the fact that no one was on Twitter instead of me being a worthless maggot:
It was so unfunny that Meat Sauce from KFAN retweeted it, even though it was directed at him. SAD PANDA.