Tweets O’ the Game: They Provide “Win” Resistance

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I’ve lost count, how long of a losing streak is this for the Vikings? Five games? Six? I have no idea. My guess is that these guys have no idea either. I call these “Win Pants” because they provide win resistance for the Vikings. Clearly, that’s been the problem during this losing streak; dumbass Vikings fans wear Win Pants to the games! Dammit, people! Why can we not just wear jeans, sweat pants, or even Zubas?! We had a year full of Wranglers in 2009 and we almost make it to the Super Bowl. Coincidence? Of course not. You’ve ruined it for the rest of us, Win Pants wearers. At least @BW4MN “forgot” his. Can’t blame him:

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The rest of us? We’re probably all guilty. Of being stupid and still following this team. Yes, that’s what we’re guilty of, not being able to turn this garbage off. So let’s get to it and wallow in our own crapulence, OK?

We continue with @TheSportsHernia, who has to be out of Denver or something because I don’t think I’ve ever seen him tweet about Vikings football. Was this game actually available to a large group of out-of-market people? Lord, I feel terrible for them. TERRIBLE! Anyway:

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I guess this answers why McNabby came to Minnesota to begin with, amirite?! ZINGER! OK, I honestly have nothing else to say about this. Is there a Dunkin’ Donuts in the Twin Cities? I buy their coffee all the time, but don’t know if I’ve even had one of their donuts before. Weird, right? I hear they are glazed donuts and I would slit the throat of a baby corgi to get to a glazed donut. I must try them.

This guy, @bubbaprog (*Jon Gruden voice*), also must not be very familiar with Vikings football, because after only one corner he was ready to go VIKTOR on himself:

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Was it really that bad? I mean, there was a touchdown, a safety, a field goal too, I think. That’s a lot of action! A lot of movement by bad players in purple uniforms! We all got excited about Jared Allen getting a safety, had a lead, moved the ball well enough to get into field goal range, I mean … What else do you want? Pin-point passes from a rookie? Dynamic rushes from a white running back? Come on, this isn’t Green Bay, fella. Go watch a CFL team if you want that crap. The Broncos and Vikings game was about as close as you could get to a college game in the pros. 15 pass attempts and option runs from Tebow’s Gators versus Ponder’s sputtering Florida State offense. Seems about right.

Getting further in the game, @TheVikingAge had this observation about our offense:

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And black, of course. But that goes without saying. In Rocky Dennis’ defense, he’s filled in … fine … these last two games. There haven’t been any dynamic runs, but he’s certainly had some good 15 yard pops, consistent four to six yard runs, done in a bruising fashion, right into the opponents uvula. I’ll give him credit for that. Would I like more speed from him? Maybe better pass blocking? Maybe have him be Lorenzo Booker? Yes. But we could be doing a lot wor … Oh, wait. No, we’re 2-10. We really couldn’t be doing much worse.

After our very own brainiac Pondexter took two time outs in a row without getting penalized (in my head, I say it “Peen-alized” so it sounds like penis), @VikingsRealist had this thought:

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This is why it’s so important to have non-threatening, non-retarded and mashed potato brained players as back-ups! McNabb just wasted the first half of Ponder’s career being all like “Yeah, that two-minute drill thing is all bullshit. You’ll NEVER have to use that.” Except for the last minute thirty of the game in which you throw an interception. Must have learned that one from McDouche too. Son of a bitch. That’s why I’m glad we got Rosenfels back as the mentor. He seems like a nice, safe, choice, someone who would balance his stock options to minimize risk and wouldn’t go back on a helicopter ride. But that’s just my thoughts.

As the game eventually devolved into the shit show that we all witnessed, Tweeters like @poonanner cut the shit and expressed exactly what we were all thinking:

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Except you know he’s lying. A bulimic Vikings fan? I doubt it. We’re all Midwestern. You have an eating disorder, very likely, but it’s the other way around; you eat like a football player without ever having played football. Fat people … yeah … But he’s right. The defense played vomit-worthy in the second half, and apparently Leslie Frazier thought so as well Monday as he threw some of those buttholes under the bus. Rightfully so, but I hope he realizes that when he’s pointing fingers that he’s got THREE other fingers pointing right back at him! #deepthoughts

And then there it was, Tim Tebow brought the Broncos back to a tie game, and the fake Jay Cutler account, @NotJayCutler, was praying for all of us:

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God that would be the best. There’s got to be something weird with that guy, right? Like he just doesn’t realize it yet, but he’s got some “high-heel, ball stomping” sex fetish or something? Maybe he drinks period blood? Dines on human placentas, thinking it’s the circle of life? Like that shits legitimately weird, right? He could maybe rationalize it, but it would flip the script on him. God I want that, almost more than a Vikings top two draft pick.

To sum it all up, @Vrbsky69 was wonderfully succinct:

http://purplejesus.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/pjd-tweets-wk12-008.jpgI got some for you, bro. Drink up. You’ll need it.

Finally, we provide you with this week’s “ReTweet of the Game,” which is the week’s highlight tweet from the PJDiaries account. It’s in an effort to make random people reading this see the picture that’s got a larger height-width ratio, follow the link, follow the account, and make me feel better about myself. Join me, won’t you? This week’s ReTweet comes courtesy of @BeastNevSept24, @MICAH_TA, @GCODECFB, and @jayy_mess (I’ve never heard of any of these accounts before), who are apparently all really big Stephen Burton fans:

http://purplejesus.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/pjd-tweets-wk12-009.jpgCome on guys, it WAS said a bit facetiously. He made one good catch. So did Devin Aromashadu, and it’s not like I old an old Troy Williamson jersey that I duct taped “Aromashadu” over or anything. *wince*

Anyway, good stuff. The Tweets are definitely more enjoyable when the Vikings are losing horribly or winning amazingly, so for my selfish purposes, this was a good game. Thanks for participating, even if you didn’t know it. In the meantime, go follow us on Twitter, check us out on Facebook, and leave comments whenever you can so we can all revel in this fart fest together. Hurray, Vikings!

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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