Gonna be honest, the entire Tweets O’ the Week feature isn’t nearly as entertaining when the Vikings do well and win, especially in a season when they’re already 0-4. So they win, great. What are we going to say? “Yeeaaaahhhh, Purple Jesus!” Well, dammit, that’s not funny at all. How am I supposed to make an entire feature out of this? It’s BS. If for no other reason than to make my job easier, I hope the Vikings continue to lose, or at the very least, you a-holes become funnier without regard to the outcome of the game.
Either way, there were a couple of gem Tweets that made their way through the exclamations of disbelief over a win, so let’s get to it:
To start off, we @Derek612 ask a philosophical question after Purple Jesus’ first run:
Me? It’d have to be at least enough to cover my immediate medical bills, my latent medical bills (to deal with debilitating spinal injuries and life long concussion symptoms), enough to cover damages to my character, and provide living expenses above my normal yearly amount so I may take at least five years off from work to consider just how destroyed I got. I imagine that would total somewhere around … $100,000,000? … and then yes, I would totally try to tackle Purple Jesus in the open field. But only if he starts from a stand still no more than seven yards away. Now, how about with a full head of steam? *shudder*
@BlkSportsOnline, while not really holding any affiliation with either team and not really saying anything about the Vikings, does kind of put our win in perspective when commenting on Kevin Kolb:
Uh, yeah. The guy started, what, three games? One he couldn’t finish because of a concussion? And he got something like $75 million guaranteed? That’s what happens when you bend over thrice-ways for a totally bitching player in Larry Fitzgerald. On the down side, you end up with a QB who looks like he cooks meth with Heather Graham in a dungeon somewhere. Little known fact; that doesn’t actually win you football games. Who knew?! But yeah, the Cardinals are bad. Real bad. We shouldn’t be too excited about beating them, at all.
Resident Twins-head, @Bennyc50, had an actual smart football suggestion:
Truthfully, that’s not a completely stupid idea. Did you see how Nebraska used a similar back-heavy diamond formation in their epic comeback against a stout Ohio State defense on Saturday night? Why not have the Vikings do that? Put Joe Webb at QB, PJ behind him, Harvin to Webb’s right, and … I don’t know … Booker to the left. Who do you guard? Any of those guys can take it the distance. And if need be, Webb could actually probably throw it to one of those guys wide open in the flats. GET SMARTER, COOCHES!
Again, my point of how bad they are. It’s embarrassing enough to have this tubbo THROW a touchdown on you, but run one in? While TAUNTING?! G.T.F.O. Just retire already, you will never have another bright football moment in your entire life, Cardinal defense. What a nightmare for those guys.
In another heard-through-the-grapevine Tweet (we’re just giving this one credit to @smartfootball), we had an eerie prediction of how the game would end:
Which is silly as well. Come on, Purple Jesus gets three touchdowns in the first quarter and we can’t get him to find the endzone once more? You know he’s never had a four touchdown game AND WE RUINED HIS CHANCES??! Morons. We scored, what, six points in the second half? Our offense sucks, and it showed. In a game where we score 21 points in a quarter, 28 points in a half, how the hell do we not get one more touchdown? Shit sucks, man.
Finally, @king_raccoon was trying his damnedest to get in on the Tweets O’ the Week all game long, and he finally made it with this one:
I lol’d. Nice work. Maybe the rest of you should all be funnier next time and you’ll be in this same position!
To wrap it up, this week’s “ReTweet of the Game” was a real wishful tweet that I’m sure most of us were real glad to see. Kind souls such as @CapitalJsCorner, @skolvikes67, and @Dswen, helped make my day by spreading this great message to all of their followers:
Weird. He sits, we win. How hard is this to figure out? And just because you probably need a face to understand exactly how I was feeling about that whole move, here you go:
Join us again next week as we head to prime time when the Vikings face the Bears at Soldier Field. The amount of people tweeting about the game will grow significantly, as it will be a national game, so if you want to get your tweet in you better STEP YO’ DAMN GAME UP. Regardless, you should still check it out next week because I have big expectations, here. In the meantime follow us on Twitter, check us out on Facebook, and leave comments whenever you can because I asked you kindly, OK? Let’s do this again next week!