We all know he’s a local guy, right? He’s like the Garrison Keillor of food, the Prince of guitar love making, the Cohen Brothers of overrated films (“Gotcha!”) You know … the whole Minnesota Celebrity thing? Keillor counts, right? Zimmerman here will eat absolutely anything on the planet … And I mean AN .. Y … THING … but if Andrew Zimmerman isn’t eating what the Vikings are cooking up, and he’s forced into taking quasi-racist jokes and flipping them around to use against your favorite football team, you know you’re one step closer to the #Suck4Luck campaign winnings.
Many of you feel that same way, as we can tell from your tweets this past week, so let’s dive in and all share in the sucktitude of the Minnesota Vikings! We’re going to post them oldest to newest as well, so you can really get that roller coaster feeling of great to crap in no time flat. Enjoy.
Starting with a little pre-game mention from Vikings blogger Wobby:
This, likely, was the only smart thing the Vikings did all day, making Warcraft a captain of the team. And I say that grudgingly as well, since “captain” is a name bereft of Kluwe. Can’t we keep with the theme? EJ and Donovan are team captains while Kluwe is Team Warlord? Team Warlock, perhaps? Even Team Wizard Guy? Any of those would be more appropriate. Also, they should have let Kluwe wear a cape out to mid field. That would have been fantastic.
Next we have rjrat84 with the completely expected and appropriate answer after a big Toby Whitehart play:
Yes, powerful indeed. I will say this though, for as much shit as PJD gives that lumbering white fat head, he’s played really good this year. I’ll admit there is nothing I enjoy more in my football team than watching someone I’ve generally and openly disliked make a complete turn around and do the work of Bruce Springsteen. Gerhart? NICE! Benny Sapp? COOL! If Tyrell Johnson turned things around (he won’t, and he didn’t) that would probably just make my head explode. By Toby ran and caught awesome on Sunday, so kudos for him. WHITE kudos, of course.
Speaking of Tyrell, VikingAgeDan had this creepy premonition quarters earlier:
It’s true! Tyrell gets into the game, especially late, drops an interception he had his hands on and the Vikings end up losing the game. Abdullah caught one, so we know it can be done by a safety, and Johnson dropped one. We know he can’t make an interception. Done deal, cut him. We’re through. Donezo. Bring in Darren Sharper, already (Spoiler alert!).
AllDayApey chimed in with an observation on Purple Jesus’ basic day at the office, tweeting this after one of his amazing forearm shivers and runs:
Which really reflects just how disappointing this loss was, not for the team per se, which I could give to goats about, but for Purple Jesus himself. He had an awesome day running, both stat-wise and just in how he LOOKED (/PeterKing’d). He was stiff arming defensive tackles, cock blocking Ronde Barber on a block, and … wait, what’s that VikingsNow?
Well, sure, it seems like a stupid idea, just like having Percy Harvin on the field for only 40% of the offensive plays seems like a stupid idea (hint: It is), but it sure looked cool. Fox kept on using their super-duper-slo-mooooo camera and showed PJ punching Barber’s helmet through his face, and it was quite enjoyable as a fan, so enjoyable that I don’t care if he was blocking instead of running or telling Musgrave he’s calling plays like a gay Childress. I’d have him do it again because it looked so cool.
At this point things turned for the worst. There was a steady stream of vitriol and death threats that I had to wear McBain Goggles in order to keep my eyes clear of the venom. The following four posts you see here range from suicidal from DrewMagary, disbelief from jessicann713, and poignant sarcasm from britnilee and Twincitiesgreat which most of you probably felt and expressed yourself:
That finally left us with Andrew Zimmerman, as you saw above, and really, one of the more enjoyable games to follow on Twitter. So congratulations are in order to all of you for going into full melt down mode early in the season!
Finally, this week’s “ReTweet of the Game” is a personal favorite of mine, as I clearly tried SUPER hard to make a joke that would get retweeted for this exact purpose, so why waste it? Thanks to GenuineMillar28 for making me feel like a princess for a day:
Make sure to keep the tweeting up next week, as we’ll for sure continue in full melt down mode already in this young season. Can we go to 0-3 on the year?? This writers says, YES! In the meantime follow us on Twitter, check us out on Facebook, and leave comments whenever you can because they completely and utterly justify my existence. I’m not lying … Let’s do this again next week!