JEEZE, OK dude, we get it; you’re The Brains, we’re the Dick Joke!
Seen here is what Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe brought with him on his trip to Detroit for some “light” reading. That first book there, “Chemistry: Concepts and Problems” looks like a pretty legitimate brain buster. Probably got some real nuggets of wisdom in that thick, spine-glued, paper trap. You don’t mess with that. Knowing Kluwe, he probably bought the book new, too, just to make sure that some college freshman nerd didn’t write all the answers in the margins. IDIOT. How would Kluwe LEARN anything if you provided all the answers for him?! You don’t cure cancer by copying someone!
Now, that other book? Well … Maybe not as daunting. Physics I for dummies? Who are you, Kevin from The League? You have just a book shelf full of “[insert topic here] for Dummies” books? What are you telling us? Is your whole “ALL-KNOWING” persona a … *gasp* … FARSE?! Are you indeed infallible?! Well, sure. Kluwe doesn’t have ALL the answers, guys, otherwise why would he keep punting to Devin Hester? *wakka wakka* And he DID preface this by saying it was light reading, and I assume this counts. So we’ll let it slide.
It did get us to wondering though … what other “light” reading, aka, “Help for Dummies” books did Kluwe’s teammates bring along? Amazingly, somehow, we actually got the totally legit answers, AFTER THE JUMP!
According to a very inside source who also broke the news to us that John David Booty lives in an arboretum, this is an exclusive list of the “Help for Dummies” books many members of the rest of the team brought with them to read on the trip to Detroit:
- “Pleading ‘Not Guilty’ for Dummies” – On Chris Cook’s list
- “Blunt Rolling for Dummies” – Clearly belonged to Percy Harvin
- “Blackmailing for Big Money for Dummies” – Uh, Chad Greenway anyone? Only explanation.
- “Hindu for Dummies” – Purple Jesus’ book, obviously. Just expanding his horizons.
- “Roofing and Other Contract Work Lessons for Dummies” – We heard Greg Camarillo was flipping through these pages furiously
- “Don’t Fumble, Stupid, for Dummies” – Lorenzo Booker didn’t read his book this week
- “Reasons not to Kill Yourself for Dummies” – As stoic as he usually looks on the sidelines, Big Leslie has been going through some serious shit this season
- “When to Take Your Pants Off for Dummies” – Ah, Mike Singeltary, of course!
- “Making a State Buy You a Stadium for Dummies” – This is actually Mark Wilf’s book. Well, lent to him this trip by Zygi.
- “What to do When You’re Fired” – It’s nice to see Charlie Johnson being proactive
- “Weight Loss for Dummies” – Kevin Williams really should have read this one two or three years ago, and he never would have been suspended
- “Interview Questions for Dummies” – I honestly didn’t know Sid Hartman could still read
Did we miss any? Put your “light” reading suggestions in the comments. Hopefully, Kluwe will have found some good science fiction by next week. RA Salvatore, get to writing!