Warcraft Wednesday: THE DEALS OFF, DONOVAN.

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Well, it wasn’t much of a deal since McDonovan maybe completed one of his required tasks while Minnesota Vikings ounter Chris Kluwe gave away his SOUL just so MccyD’s could have a number five jersey. He was bamboozled, I tell you! However, I do really hope Heavy D made that donation to charity, at least. Seriously, Donovan.

Regardless, Kluwe has had enough! Ever since Donovan was demoted – first to the third string quarterback position and then to the waiver wire and then to the unemployment line and then … – our favorite punter has had his eye on regaining the highly valued number five jersey. Problem is, there is some NFL league rule where players can’t just be all switching their names and jersey numbers (except for every two years). This of course helps the league get tons of money from fans who hold out in hopes that a player will keep that number (or even stay on the team) but then purchase it at the last moment like a moron. That’s how we end up with #19 Troy Williamson jerseys, #18 Randy Moss jerseys (admittedly cool), and #99 Erasmus James jerseys. Ouch.

But is it worth it? Let’s look at some pros and cons over the old #5 vs. the hip #4 and see which number we think Kluwe should wear from here on out:

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Things to Consider:

  • Kluwe’s jersey number at UCLA was 39. Technically, that is closer to 4 than 5, but 5 is also closer to the 9 than the 4 is, which really means absolutely nothing when we come down to it.
  • Kluwe has two children, which is half of four, but I’m sure his kids will grow up to be more than half the man he is, so this coincidence doesn’t hold much weight either.
  • There are four members in Chris’ band. Weird!
  • He has five fingers on each hand. That has to mean something, right?

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Arguments for #4:

  • First and foremost, Donovan McNabb wore the #5. That pretty much ruins it for everyone, right?
  • One of the greatest players in the history of the NFL wore #4 in Brett Favre (*finishes blow job*), and why wouldn’t we want some of that talent to “rub off” on Kluwe? He’ll easily snag that magic with #4.
  • Chances are, more people already own a #4 jersey of some Vikings player than a #5 (especially with the Favre factor) that it remains easy for them to convert it to a “Kluwe” jersey.
  • Since his popularity has rose this season thanks to his deals, Twitter feuds, Warcraft Wednesdays, and more, the casual fan not associated with the Vikings know Kluwe as #4. Keeping that “brand” so to speak has to count for something!
  • John David Booty wore the #4 for a while, and that guy is just, like, totally something awesome and fun to be around with others like Percy and oh god why are my eyes so dry.

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Arguments for #5:

  • It’s not Brett Favre’s old number, that scum bag piece of shit.
  • Kluwe came to the Vikings as an undrafted free agent in 2005, and so there’s a clear corrollary between the numbers there.
  • During the October 27, 2010 game when Devin Hester broke the all-time punt return record against the Vikings, Kluwe was wearing the classic #5 jersey. Why would we want to forget about such great history?!
  • The #4 makes him look skinnier than #5, and that’s the last thing this bean pole needs.
  • It is just such a more “Kluwe” number than this #4 business, and based on personal bias and desire alone, I think he should switch it.

Conclusion: Going back to #5 is indeed the right choice for Chris. He’ll look better, feel better, and be better at video games. That’s a proven fact. So nice call, fella. We anxiously await you donning the #5 Vikings jersey as you trot out on to your new field in 2013 out in LA. Best of luck!

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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