Well, now you’ve done it NFL.
Last Friday the NFL announced that they were officially locking the players out and starting the offseason of middle fingers to the fans. I wasn’t really paying a bunch of attention to the CBA contract negotiations up to this point because, whatever, it’s not real football, but I was pretty sure something was going to happen so all of us idiots could get back to talking about free agency, looking at the draft without any concerns, and planning for OTAs and shit like that. Well, to my knowledge, the owners, the league itself, and the players are all a bunch of selfish assholes that make rich people look like fuckwads and I hope they all die. I hope football doesn’t happen in 2011, people desperate to watch some tune into college football and see how much better that is, and the league fucking folds, and all these fuck udders end up jobless, homeless, and retarded because they never explored alternative employment options. FUCK ALL OF YOU. Stupid fuckers.
While I hope they all die from dick cancer, every single one of those money grubbing cock suckers, I’m assuming most of these chapped assholes will attempt to find some type of employment outside of football during this down period. For instance, Tom Zbikowski, safety for the Ravens, continued his boxing career because of this shitty situation. Others are doing the same. So what about Vikings players? Here is what PJD sees some of them doing this offseason for their occupation:
- John Sullivan has inquired with Peter Jackson about being an extra Hobbit in some scenes of the the new movie being filmed … Uh … “The Hobbit.” Because he looks like a hobbit, you see.
- Bryant McKinnie has sent in his application to MNDOT to be a broken turnstile onto the freeway.
- Kevin Williams recently touched base with a local pharmaceutical company offering his services to test new drug products not yet approved by the FDA.
- Roger Goodell is currently in line to be a cum dumpster.
- Cedric Griffn will become so desperate for cash that he offered both of his knees and ligaments to science for bizarre and sometimes sexy Frankenstein experiments.
- Ryan D’Imperio has an application into “Jersey Shore” for a season four appearance.
- Visanthe Shiancoe will take his talents to the adult film industry, naturally.
I’m sure you can think of some more examples yourself, so put them in the comments. Also, make sure to call everyone involved in the NFL a bunch of fuck asses for as long as they hold out for more money while 10,000 people in Japan are dead and dying and millions in America don’t have enough money to buy food or pay for their mortgage. Yeah, you all deserve more money you fruit cakes.
Fuck all of you.