daunte culpepper shirtless

Bears vs. Vikings: PJD’s Masturbatory “Is It Over Yet” Game Preview

Bears Vikings Header

How Many Boos Does Christian Ponder Get?
Does he get all the boos? Every single one? Will any of them be directed at Big Leslie or Bill Musgrave? I would think some of them would be, wouldn't you? When will they start? Right away? When the offense runs out on to the field? I bet they'll announce the defense to prevent that from happening. But as soon as the offense takes the field, there will probably be a smattering of boos. Maybe a flutter of them. Maybe the fans will wait to be loud enough until Ponder throws his first pass and it's obviously incomplete. Or, maybe through a miracle, he'll complete it for three yards and there will be a round of sarcastic applause. Vikings fans are good for that. I would guess either way though, by halftime when the team is down against the Chicago Bears 21-3, there will be plenty of boos. Will fans even return for the second half? I wouldn't, but I wouldn't have gone down to the game to start with.

Either way, Sunday's game against the Bears should be a historic day. It'll be the day when the Vikings 2012 season obviously ends, when Christian Ponder seals his fate as a busted NFL starting quarterback, when Leslie Frazier finally convinced Zygi Wilf to tear through the rest of his contract, and when the only shining note on this team in Adrian Peterson tears up the Bears defense and keeps pace for his potential 2,000 yard season. CAN'T WAIT!

Thanks to Randle9311 from Rube Chat for another great game day preview graphic!

Pat Williams Purple Pants

Bears Games are Weird:
Think about it. Is it really a rivalry game? Do you get as excited about playing the Bears as you do, say, the Seahawks? I mean, I HATE the Seahawks. I guess I dislike the Bears. The big thing that always sticks out to me about Bears games is how the Vikings usually select this game every year to wear their throwback jerseys. Since Nike took the NFL contract over this year for uniforms, some teams are limited in how many other uniforms or changes to uniforms they could make. So this year, we get NO throwbacks, and a boring and ugly ass looking Bears and Vikings game. They aren't even going to spice it up with the all purple outfit that they wore several years ago, which made Pat Williams look like Violet Beauregarde and the entire franchise like a running joke. Also, probably, a fumbling and intercepted joke, but that should be expected. Beyond this though, I just hate the Bears because I'm supposed to, but also because I think Chicago the city is a bit of a butthole. I also hate everything, so that shouldn't surprise you. If you got a good Bears and Vikings story though, let's hear it in the comments.

Percy Harvin Bears

Can We Win Anything Without Harvin?
Short answer, no. And really, I'm just as pissed off as he is about him getting put on injured reserve for the rest of the year. Coach Frazier's rationale for it was that he didn't see any progress in Percy's ankle up until now that would indicate Harvin would be able to play any time during the rest of the season, OR, any time in the playoffs. Well, that's great to know you're saving him for the playoffs, you dingleberry. Perhaps the worst part about all of this is what you probably don't realize, and if you do, have probably already submerged it deep down into the blackest parts of your brain to try and forget it … Percy Harvin has probably played his last game as a Viking in week nine against Seattle, where he had two catches for 10 yards. Merp. How does your heart feel now? Terrible? It should, because our franchise sucks. Without Percy, our passing game has looked like squirrels dodging cars out there, and it should be evident to the team that he, and other legitimate receivers LIKE him, are needed more than ever. Think Rick Spielman got the message and is going to fork over a shit ton of money for Harvin? Yeah, me neither. Barf.

Dolan Comic

Dolan Comic of the Week:
I grabbed this one to share this week because I feel like we haven't had a good pee joke in a while. This fits that bill splendidly. I like it because not only does Uncle Dolan get to use his signature "[something] pls" line, but depending on how you read it, it can either be said in a "Man? Come on!" type of way or a "Pretty please, spray your filthy urine on me, you bad girl," which honestly is just kind of arousing. I mean, Dolan just REALLY wanted a golden shower inside of a fire hydrant. Why is that so hard to deliver?! So take it either way, but make sure you take it.

Aberfeldy 12 year

Scotch of the Week:
If you take Chad Greenway's advice and get "super duper drunk" before the game on Sunday, you'll definitely be wanting to pick up one (or three) bottle(s) of scotch this weekend to get your liver angry. Our recommendation this week is the Aberfeldy 12 year, a scotch from the Highlands. It should be a good ground breaking option for you to drink heavily, as it comes at an affordable value ($45.00?) and is easy to guzzle down your throat box. With a scent of peaches, honey, and that smoky heather, it is appealing enough on first pass. It smacks of a good vanilla and pancake syrup flavor, and finishes like a warm cigar in your mouth, like a shot of smoke to the back of the throat, lingering just long enough before it eases down your greasy maw. Some say it's a bit more on the sweet side, but if you're looking for something easier to drink (and maybe mix with some sugar water after you smuggle it into the Dome?!), this is your guy.

Shirtless Viking of the Week:
We're taking it old school, today. Yes, this is a picture of Cris Carter, Randy Moss, and a svelte looking Daunte Culpepper running wind sprints during training camp, probably. I don't have a year to date this, but my guess would be that it's 1999, Culpepper's rookie season, because I highly doubt he was ever this skinny again during the rest of his career. Regardless, it's a nice throwback compared to the usual shitty quarterbacks without their shirts on that we have to look at in 2012. Let's just forget about him and remember some Shirtless Vikings glory days, OK?

Adrian Peterson Vikings Bears

Putting a Fork in a Prediction:
Yeah, I don't know, we lose, right? Can we just lose and put a fork in this season already? Can we be done? God, this season has seemed like it's gone on for so long, and that there already is no end in sight. I just can't handle much more of this. I'm not sure what I have left to root for besides seeing if Purple Jesus can break the 2,000 yard barrier in the season. That'd be awesome. Watching Little Big Leg, Mr. Blair Walsh continue to be pretty impressive would be fun too. But the offense? Fast forward through that garbage. Defense? I'd rather get a colonoscopy. So really, that doesn't leave much of the game left for me to look at. Maybe, just maybe, these doofuses will pull a classic "for the Gipper" win out of their chaffed butts and make things fun, just for one afternoon, just to get the fans' hopes up one more time before everything is put to bed. I COULD see that happening, but I won't bet on it. Bears win, 31-17.

Enjoy … the game, I guess? As much as I complain about our craptastic team, having Vikings football on is still better than Twins baseball, so treat it with the respect it deserves and at least leave it on in the background as you internet surf all day long on the couch. And if you're doing that, stop on by here to comment in our game thread on Sunday. Share the tears, they're less salty that way. See you then.

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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