Bryant McKinnie Says the Vikings Exaggerated His Weight Gain
During training camp last year, as new coach Leslie Frazier was busy putting his stamp of authority on the team, and some veteran players were weighing the franchise down with their bloated asses and contracts, it was decided that Charlie Johnson was actually a better option at left tackle than Bryant McKinnie. I know, it seems crazy, but it may have been the right move. McKinnie was out-right cut by the Vikings during the early parts of training camp and was eventually signed by the Baltimore Ravens. He continued his career, playing left tackle for the Ravens, and helped the team make it to the AFC Championship game. Well … I don’t know about HELPED … but he was at least on the roster that went to the AFC Championship game.

As we head into the 2012 season, McKinnie is back and reflecting on why the Vikings cut him, and on a topic the Ravens are struggling with in regards to McKinnie right now. Namely, his enormously fat ass. In an interview with The Baltimore Sun recently:

Minnesota claimed McKinnie weighed 400 pounds at the time, but McKinnie denied that claim on Wednesday.

“I never was,” McKinnie said. “That was exaggerated by the Vikings.”

But that’s not all!

In exclusive quotes found EXCLUSIVELY by Purple Jesus Diary sources by extracting source code data from The Baltimore Sun’s website, we were able to get an unedited quote from McKinnie where he discussed his weight issues and time with the Minnesota Vikings in depth:
“I never was THAT overweight. That whole being super fat and slovenly things was exaggerated by the Vikings. They cut me because they said I weighed close to 700 pounds, but it wasn’t that close. It was like 545. That’s closer to 400 pounds than 700. And I didn’t count the weight I had put on in the past 12 months, because my street doctor had always told me that it was that weight which you were always trying to work off during the season. In fact, Enrique – That’s my street doctor – said that I really should come in to training camp well over my playing weight because it will help me be more solid and at the desired weight when we make it to the playoffs later in the season, since you usually lose so much weight sweating calories out on the bench during the first part of the year. So I listened to him. He’s been telling me doctor stuff since I was in college at Miami, so I was definitely going to listen to him over a highly certified, reputable, and NFL approved athletic trainer.

“They also called me a fat whale, a bulging elephant, a moon with my own gravity field, all of which really hurt my feelings. And when my feelings get hurt, I eat. When I get beat on a play, I eat. And eating and getting fat is the only reason I would ever get beat on a play, so it’s a vicious cycle. Really, I’m a great football player when I came into the league. I was light on my feet, I had never allowed a sack as an NFL player because I had never played in an NFL game, and I was confident. But the Vikings ruined that all by playing me for over 10 years with bad supporting staff against the most elite defenses that have probably ever been in the league. That’s the only way I could ever be beaten.

“I don’t have any regrets though. YOLO, you know? You only live once. Eat what you can, focus on your main source of income and livelihood secondarily, and create a horrible music business on the side. That’s how to live life, trust me. But don’t trust anything the Vikings say, because they were totally lying.”

Straight from the horses mouth, you guys! Now the story has been set straight.

*PS: Just kidding. This is satire. McKnnie didn’t say any of this stuff not in the first quote box. Haha!


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.