FINALLY! We Signed a Point Guard!
Yeah, I admit it. When Ricky Rubio went down with a torn ACL, I was a little bit nervous. The Timberwolves were making a NICE run towards the playoffs (in comparison to playing like a rotting fish carcass for the past five years), and a lot of it had to do with Rubio’s magic-like vision on the court, his Leonidas-esque leadership, and his Bieber-ish charm. Sure, sure … Rick Adelman had a lot to do with it, and of course Kevin Love is a good basketball player. But really, man, that Spanish Unicorn … He took shit to the NEXT LEVEL. Well worth the two year wait. And then all those hopes, dreams, and erections went for naught as he lay there writhing in pain, torn ACL and all, with no viable alternative at the point guard position for the team.

But fear not, dudes! This team gets right back up on their horse and goes out and does the smart thing. When you lose a dynamic player like Rubio, you just replace him, and that’s what the Wolves have done by signing former Florida International University point guard Nick Taylor to a futures/reserves contract!

Although dimunitive in stature, Taylor is large in heart. Sure, he’s just 5’10″ and 165 pounds (smaller than some girls I’ve dated, heyo!), but he plays with HEART. He runs a solid forty yard dash, having been clocked at 4.34 and 4.27, and shows excellent lateral quickness. These are exactly the qualities that the team needs in order to replace a player like Ricky Rubio, and with his recent signing, we shouldn’t have any worries about the Timberwolves making a solid push for that eight or seven seed even. Awesome!
Of course, that’s what I’d be saying if Nick Taylor was signed by the Timberwolves last week, instead of the Minnesota Vikings. You see, Nick Taylor is a point guard, formerly of basketball and football “powerhouse” Florida International University. You know, that school where all of the famous basketball and football players came from? Michael Jord… Dwayne Wa… Kevin Lov… Peyton Manni… Purple Jes… Tom Brad… Uh, well, after playing BASKETBALL at FIU, Taylor ended up in the Arena League for a while last year, too, which is where all the budding professional football players go to play in order to hone their craft, like Terrel Owe… ….. God dammit.

Taylor is currently listed as a defensive back for the Vikings, if this means anything. It probably doesn’t bode well for Marcus Sherels if the Vikings are willing to look at an Imp to replace him. At this point, I’d rather have Peter Dinklage. At least then we’d have some awards in our trophy case, with his Emmy or whatever. My guess is that Spielman just really needed some help in his March Madness pool. Hope it works out for him, so he gets his 20 dollars back! Dick.


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.