Thanksgiving is Apparently Over:
Or that's what it looks like after the Chicago Bears beat the Minnesota Vikings 28-10 on Sunday afternoon. The Bears took a blunt object to the temple of the Vikings and effectively crushed our skulls in, without nary a second thought to the brain damage that would be left. Coming out of a bye week (Think about that, we had TWO weeks to prepare for this game), the Vikings looked almost worse than they have all year, triple covering receivers yet still allowing them to catch the ball, forgetting how to tackle, registering one sack from a defensive tackle not named Kevin Williams against a horrific Bears offensive line, managing only 10 points against a Bears team ravaged by injuries … I mean, the list just goes on and on. You could say the Vikings were playing at a disadvantage, too though! They didn't have Percy Harvin this game, they chose not to activate LB Audie Cole (DUUUMMMBB!!), and they even had to fight through having Christian Ponder at quarterback and having their offensive game plan determined by Bill Musgrave. I mean, you may as well put the team in a 15 point deficit to start every game, while you're at it! It's ridiculous.
Either way, Thanksgiving is over. There is nothing else to be happy about this football season. This, clearly and unequivocally, is the beginning of the end for the Vikings in 2012. It was a nice story starting 4-1 on the year, but we are toast. The Bears smoked us, we face the Packers next week, and then more Bears, Packers, Texans, and losses. I hope you filled up your body with plenty of turkey over the weekend, because you're going to need that food coma to get you through until the end of the season.
Mushroom Stamp of Disapproval:
Leslie Frazier gets this week's Mushroom Stamp of Disapproval largely because I couldn't find a picture of Bill Musgrave from this game. But also because eventually, all coaching actions fall back on the head coach as they should. And HOLY SHIT, this was a terribly coached game. Well, it's a terribly coached team that can't develop talent in any of our players who aren't on the team through a divine act of god. But a terribly coached game nonetheless. Think about this … Lovie Smith, Rod Marinelli, and Mike Tice made us look like assholes. Remember, Marinelli also managed to coach a Detroit Lions team to a 0-16 record. But he sure was able to filet our offense on Sunday!
The most deserving reason for the stamp this week though was the 3rd and 2 call in the 3rd quarter. Down three obsessions, Musgrave (and therefor Frazier) decided to put the ball in Christian Ponder's hands instead of allowing Adrian Peterson to run it in. When that pass attempt failed, they decided to go for it on fourth down. This was dumb, because at the very least, 3 points at the time would have brought it down to only a two possession game. Instead, they decide to throw AGAIN on the play instead of running it, and of course failed. Keep in mind that Peterson was beasting the football and is possibly having the best season of his ENTIRE CAREER. Better keep it out of his hands! Morons. You deserve a poop dick on your forehead, all of you.
Someone Call out Jared Allen:
Fine, I'll do it. He has been pretty sucky this season, and today was a microcosm of what we've all seen. From a guy that almost broke the sack record last year to a guy that has seven sacks in 11 games this year. Keep in mind that he ha gone against the offensive lines of the Cardinals, the Jaguars, and now the Bears, all of whom are terrible. Oh, sure, maybe he's getting chipped a lot, or a running back is helping, or they're rolling the play away from him. That's why it hasn't worked out as well. I guess this is the first season opposing teams have done this though throughout his NINE YEARS in the NFL, so maybe we should give him a bit of time to adjust. Don't worry, buddy, you'll get it!
I Hope Adrian Peterson Finds Peace Some Day:
I have half a mind to start a petition to the Minnesota Vikings asking for Adrian Peterson's unconditional release from the team so he may pursue greener pastures. Watching him rush on this team is like watching your still strong grandfather battle bone marrow cancer. Oh god, someone, just end his misery. The fact that our coaching staff has failed to build an incredible team around him makes me wonder if Glen Taylor isn't calling the shots for the front office. The fact that we haven't been able to find a quarterback who can throw a pass, or that we don't have wide receivers who can beat single coverage on EVERY PLAY is disgusting. What, Peterson not taking enough attention off of you? Does a defense have to drop 10 guys in the box before the quarterback or another dipshit receiver can make a play? God I hate all of you. I feel so bad for the Purple Jesus, but I assume this is some test of devotion from all of us, watching him slough through this horrible life. I mean, the guy was already crucified once though, how much more does he deserve? Find your peace, young man.
Notes and Nips:
Other hard hitting notes from a pretty spectacularly shitty day:
– If Jerome Simpson wasn't cut from the team before they all boarded the plane back home, someone is doing something wrong. I would drop his ass in the Southside of Chicago and say, "Good luck, Dropsies!" and hope he never makes it back. Maybe the team can claim murder/suicide and get his cap space back.
– John Carlson is cut this offseason, right?
– Without Percy Harvin, Ponder was able to spread the ball around and others took advantage. That was at home against a Lions team that is slowly dying, beautifully. On the road against a REAL NFL team, it showed just how shitty all of our receivers are. Come back soon, Percy.
– Harrison Smith got a concussion too? COOL! We won't need him next week against a pissed off Aaron Rodgers in Lambeau!
– Love you, Antoine Winfield.
– Jarius Wright may have some potential, but you'd never know because the coaches refuse to put him on the field, and any talent he has will be taught down somehow by our idiot coaches. Can't wait for that flame to slowly burn out.
– Someone cut Toby Gerhart, too. What a waste of money.
– Also, I am probably done with the Christian Ponder support. He no longer even gets the blame for any upcoming losses, unless he really, REALLY boners it up. It's all on the coaching staff now. And AJ Jefferson. I really dislike him for some reason.
"Are you pious, Bears?
If so, grant me my last wish -
End this nightmare, now."
Alright, great stuff everyone. Who's excited for Packers Week now that things have gotten REAL ugly? I don't know, I probably still am. Whatever. Let's just get it over with and draft a quarterback in April already.